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A page in the diary "I hate myself"
Written by Nouse 13. May 2008 06:51 PM

Hi All,

I am sorry i haven't had the energy to reply to many diaries lately, i have been a bit all over the place.
I have been thinking about what my Psych said to me, and i know it makes sense, but it doesn't make it any easier to deal with. I still feel i am giving up on myself and giving in to his pressure, if i don't speak up. Damn i am so confused and my head is splitting all the time from crap going round and round.
I have had a little bit more sleep, but it is never a solid sleep, always broken which in some ways doesn't help, but i feel it has helped a little being on these meds. Maybe when i have caught up a little, i will be able to think straight and deal with this situation once and for all and be happy with the decision i make.

I know i'm rambling again, and for that i am very sorry, but i have to get this %%%% out of my head and i'm sorry you people have to suffer for it.

Just switch off and don't read my diaries, it is just a useful tool to empty my head of some of the crap.

Anyway, take care all.

Nouse

PS: If anyone is interested, i am on day 26 sober, and still going ok, despite what i have been dealing with for the last week or so, and i know i should be proud of myself, but i know i still have a long way to go and some hard times to get through, so i will hold judjement of myself for a little longer.

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Comments from the community:

Nouse

I know what you mean about the stuff the psych says... i struggle to get my head around it too... especially when i walk out and my brain goes to sleep again...

Wow and doing well.. 26 days... good woman...

I just want you to know i think of you ... and hope you are doing well... despite all the stuff in your life...

i hope your family become more supportive... but i understand why you don't want to be with them a lot... no judgement...

take care

rgds
cate

Written by cateblack, 13. May 2008 07:00 PM

Hello,

26 days is great! I have been told by my psychiatrist that I shouldn't ever drink again until I am mentally well. I have found staying away and moderating is just another one of the hardest addictions to stop. I am impressed and glad to hear this from you :)

You are definately on the right track, chin up!

Bluewave
xxoo

Written by bluewave, 13. May 2008 07:11 PM

Nouse

Take notes when you see the psychiatrist. I do that with mine - questions and answers so I understand what is happening with me.

26 days - go girl!!! That is great to read. That should be the diary and not an add on because that is a great achievement and you should be proud of yourself. Go girl!!! Keep up the great work.

Sorry the head is causing you problems but putting it down in writing is theraputic.

Go Nouse!!!

Mrs Studying1

Written by studying1, 13. May 2008 07:33 PM

hi Nouse, hope you're ok ''26 days sober'' thats wonderful you should be proud of yourself and your not ramling thats what this site is for your have the right to write what you feel . take care hope everything works out for the best. regards belladonna

Written by belladonna64, 13. May 2008 08:03 PM

Hi Nouse,

If anyone here can appreciate your massive 26 day effort it's me - CONGRATULATIONS ON A JOB WELL DONE - be proud of yourself.

Learning to handle issues and emotions without the usual crutch (alcohol) is a new beginning, and sometimes not a very comfortable one, but you're doing great.

I hope you're going to treat yourself to a reward at 1 month sober, I'm going to treat myself to something on or about the 2nd of each month, so just went into a massage therapy business up at blackwood where I live and got one of the "menu's" so I can pick what sort of relaxation massage I'm going to treat myself to. Do you like massages, or perhaps a manicure or pedicure. Do something nice for yourself and try and switch off for a while (I know it's easier said than done, I've been where you are... but know there is an end to it eventually... I think I'm just about through).

So you go girl, I'm so very proud of you and you are in my thoughts constantly.

Luv Fly xxx

Written by fly, 13. May 2008 08:36 PM

Dear Nouse

I am new to DepNet, but was touched when I read your diary entry. You are so brave and have done so well in keeping sober for 26 days. Well done.

Because of everyone's courage, I am going to add my own diary comments. This from a very private person who struggles to talk about my ptsd.

You all seem wonderful to me - thank you.

Wishing you well
Dolly

Written by Deleted_User, 13. May 2008 08:54 PM

Hey Nousie Nouse...its no wonder you haven't had much energy! Apart from depression and meds, your body's been dealing with some chemical changes related to the absence of alcohol. But give yourself a break! You're doing great. It won't be long before it's a whole month, then two months....

but one step at a time.

You're doing well, and in time you will sleep soundly.

:)
9463

Written by g463, 13. May 2008 09:39 PM

Hey Nouse,

Thanks for your comment on my diary entry. I would love to catch up with you one day, hopefully in the not too distant future. I think we have a lot to offer one another.

I go to an AA meeting at Mitchell Park on Thursday's at 12.00 noon, perhaps you'd like to come along one day. I should be at most of them in the coming weeks, except perhaps for one in about 3 weeks.

My name is Karen and again, I'd love to catch up with you.

Fly xxx

Written by fly, 13. May 2008 11:30 PM