Psych's advice
A page in the diary "I hate myself"
Written by Nouse 8. May 2008 07:46 PM
Hi,
I went to see my Psychiatrist today and in light of what has happened in the last few days, he has completely changed directions dealing with it.
He feels that if i am not wanting to cause a rift with my family, then telling them what has happened is not going to help relieve my depression or anxiety, it will in fact make it worse. He is pretty sure that it would be just the thing to push me right over the edge, and he wants to steer away from that possibility for obvious reasons. He asked if i thought this person would carry out his threats, and i said yes i thought he would. So he said it is not the direction he wants to go.
I told him i need to get this crap out of my head, and telling my family wouldn't relieve that, he is the only one that knows the full story. He said i need to work on telling myself that it is my choice not to tell my family, tell myself that i WON'T, rather than CAN'T. He said that this will put me in charge of my thoughts, and we can work on them little by little. I'm not totally convinced it will work, but i have to try something, this is messing with my head pretty badly to the point that i am so damn scared of even myself.
I promised myself i would get through the session without crying, but let myself down again, i seem to set myself up to fail. I am so tired i think, i can't think straight anymore, but getting 3-4 hrs sleep a night will do that to a person i suppose.
He has put me back on some meds i was on before to help me sleep, so i will give them another go, can't get worse i suppose.
Well, i'm sorry for rambling on, i always have a messed up head when i have had a session the psych, i am exhausted from crying too, so all in all, i'm a mess!!!
Take care all,
Nouse