It won't matter
A page in the diary "I hate myself"
Written by Nouse 6. May 2008 04:32 PM
Thank you everyone for your comments on my previous diary.
It will make a huge problem in my family, if this gets out and my Mum wont believe me anyway. The person who is threatening to kill me is a favourite to my Mum and she would never hear of anything bad being said of him.
I am safe in my home, i think, if i can make sure he cant get in, and my Mum is also safe in her home, in fact she is safe wherever she is. He doesn't have a problem with her, and doesn't have one with me, if i keep quiet.
My hubby gets home on Thursday, but he doesn't know my history with the abuse from this person, so i don't know what to do, i will just have to keep quiet.
I am seeing my psychiatrist on Thursday also, and he is the only person who knows the full details. He is also the person who thought it a good idea if i told my family, except he didn't want me to do it on my own, he thought it should be done under controlled circumstances. I thought this would aggravate the situation more and told him i would do it on my own.
Now i can see why he wanted to do it that way, but i don't think even he would have envisaged it turning out like this.
I have kept this inside for 30 years, it may now be something i take to my grave. I can't warrant losing my Mum over this, that would kill me anyway.
Nouse