Detox Day 9
A page in the diary "I hate myself"
Written by Nouse 26. Apr 2008 06:11 PM
Hi all,
I'm not traveling very well at this stage of my detox, but am still hanging in there (just). I have still been very sick up until now and can't hold down very much food, and am trying desperately to keep myself hydrated with small amounts of drinks very frequently. I have been drinking energy drinks to help with electrolytes and am trying to keep my sugar levels up as well, but it is hard when i keep throwing up.
I know i should have gone to see a doctor earlier, and it probably would have made my life easier, but.....
It is too late now, i am hoping this horrible feeling of sickness and pain throughout my body is going to ease very soon. My hands are still shaky, making it hard to hide from others but keeping my detox from as many as i can is something i am determined to do, just in case. The hurt of disappointing people will be worse than the pain i am going through now.
The recovery site i am trying to get to AA meetings on is very helpful, and i have one person on there who has taken me under his wing, encouraging me to keep going and pushes me if i need it. I have felt like giving up so very many times, but it is not for the want of a drink, that hasn't even entered the equation as yet and i'm not looking forward to the cravings starting. That is another ball game altogether and will deal with it when it happens.
I probably haven't handled this as well as i should have, but i have done my best and that is all i can ask of myself right now.
I also wish to thank every single one of my Depnet friends who have encouraged me through this hard task of mine, not sure i could have made it even this far without you.
Take care all,
Luv Nouse