I feel like i'm dying
A page in the diary "I hate myself"
Written by Nouse 21. Apr 2008 09:09 AM
Hi all,
I knew detoxing would be hard, but didn't think i would feel like i was dying!!! Last night i was very close to ending my life because i didn't think i could get through this process and didn't want to go back to drinking either. Thought dying would be my best option at that point, because i could imagine how i would have disappointed so many people and i couldn't face that. I had my head down the toilet for near on 32 hrs, but have finally stopped throwing up now. I am able to keep some good fluids and a little bland food down now.
I am nowhere near out of the woods yet, but hopefully now i have stopped vomiting, i can get some nutrition into my body to help me get through this living hell.
Everyone on the AA site said i should go to hospital as it is dangerous to detox on your own, but i didn't want to go and i am hoping this stubborn streak of mine is what is going to get me through this crap.
Thank you everyone for your support and i will try my best to not let you all down, or myself i suppose.
Take care all,
Luv Nouse
PS: This took me so long to type as my hands are shaking so badly, i kept making mistakes and had to do it again.