I am in Pain - Physical
A page in the diary "I hate myself"
Written by Nouse 10. Apr 2008 12:27 PM
Hi all,
I woke up this morning and could hardly put my feet on the ground, my back is so bad, the pain is horrendous. I thought the Neurosurgeon said it should give me relief for 18 months - 2 years, i think "should" was the right word for him to use. Ten weeks down the track, here i am again, fueled with Morphine and flat on my back. Hubby is home tonight so hopefully, that will help as far as me being able to rest a bit more.
On a brighter side, i got offered a job, part-time, but haven't accepted it yet. Call me stupid, but i'm scared and out of my comfort zone right now and very very panicky. I am such an idiot, i don't know what to do and wish hubby was here to help me through this. I am an adult, can't i even make my own adult decisions??? Seems not, hey.
The only other problem with this job is that it is in a small boutique winery, and what with my drinking problem, i'm not sure it is a good idea to tempt fate, and put my poison right in front of me all the time at arms reach.
I am trying to get myself into a program to help with this, but right now that is proving very daunting. I am scared of finding out who i really am and for others to judge me, probably more than i have ever been judged in my life. But i suppose that is part of the disease, hey.
Sorry to dump all this on you, but i didn't have any other way of getting this out of my head.
Take care all,
Luv Nouse