Another Day
A page in the diary "I hate myself"
Written by Nouse 13. Mar 2008 11:46 AM
I went for a walk on the beach with the dog this morning but wore my dark sunglasses and a hat so no-one recognized me. I can't look or talk to anyone for fear of crying and making a fool of myself. Sometimes i wish i wasn't so afraid of the sea and i would just swim out and never come back.
A friend called in unexpected for a coffee and could see i wasn't feeling very good, but i couldn't talk much to her either. I don't want to cry all the time when my friends are around, they will get so sick of having to come to my rescue all the time, they will eventually give up on me.
Hubby is home tonight which means i can go if i choose to, and leave them all in peace, that will be good for them i am sure.
If i make it to tomorrow i will have to go to see my psychiatrist and that frightens me a little. I so don't want to go to hospital even though it might be the right thing for me, they will just drug me out on Vallium for days to dry the alcohol out of me, he loves doing that to me. He says it is for my own good, but I'm not so sure about that. Drinking is my protection, my safety zone where nothing else matters, how can he take that away from me?
Ah well, another day in paradise !!!
Take care all.
Luv Nouse