Read diary

Today is no better than yesterday

A page in the diary "I hate myself"
Written by Nouse 10. Feb 2008 11:54 AM

I can't believe it, I was hoping I wouldn't wake up this morning. I hate this, the kids are fighting all the time and I just want to lay in bed all day and do nothing.I am so scared to go back to work tomorrow, maybe i just won't go, there has to be a cliff somewhere i can sit on instead of going to work.
I am not seeing my psych for 2 weeks now, don't know if i can last that long without his guidance, he seems to know just what to say, i suppose that's what i pay him good money for.
There's one easy way to never have any more psych bills again i suppose.
I hate this crap, I hate myself and I hate what i have become and what this depression has done to me. I am such a burden on my beautiful husband and kids, i keep telling him that but he just keeps hugging me tighter which makes me feel worse. I don't deserve the love he gives me, i have put him through so much, how much more can he take before he walks out on me.

« Prev page | Next page »

Comments from the community:

You are feeling so bad at present but this situation wont last forever, you have stregnth and you will rise up fromo this feeling.

There is a way to stop the psych bills but it may take a while, ie your recovery.

You dont need to feel this bad, you have a choice.

Even if you were to set yourself a small goal everyday, like to call someone, or to spend 10 minutes just listening to the kids (one at a time)it may help.

You certainly dont sound like you are ready to go back to work and this is ahuge stress on you. Perhaps if possible dont go back tomorrow but maybe another day in this week or nex and maybe 1/2 day if possible so its not such a big leap from here to there.

Does hubby know how you feel, how frightened you are? I learnt the hard way last year that our partbers, if good people, can take alot more than we think they can. My hubby is abeautiful man on the insdie and the outside, when my psychologist and psychiatirsit suggested i go to hosptal I had to get one of them to tell my hubby, I could not do it, still have trouble here and there sharing but just to know we have te luxury of caring partners can make a difference.

Oh I could write for hours because everything you wrote down reminds me so much of me last June and now I am a million miles from that person adn so want to reach out and help you.

Be well and committed to recovery...it can get better.

All my thoughts are with you

Liz

Written by keller, 10. Feb 2008 12:59 PM

hi nouse,

this is a note of another nature...sorry

just want to chat to you about something so please come back on depnet, please

Written by Deleted_User, 10. Feb 2008 04:28 PM

Nouse

I'm with Keller about work/talking to your hubby about how your feel about going back to work. It needs to be done as a graduated process and not throw you in the deep end to sink or swim. Keller is right about partners and if you need a stint in hospital, the best person to tell him is you but if you can't ask the psychiatrist/psychologist to do it. I can still remember November 2004 and sitting in the car howling my head off and needing to be admitted to hospital and finally I was and was there until April 2005 trying to get well. Hasn't helped as I have had other admissions since then but my partner is always there to help me, take me, support me, do my washing and the things I mentioned about him in my diary about him. Try and be open and honest with hubby so he can understand what you are going through/what he has to do and spend time with each child because you will cope better with the one at a time.

Go Nouse!!!

Studying1

Written by studying1, 10. Feb 2008 05:06 PM

About depression	Help with depression	Help for relatives	Society	DepNet Community	My Depression