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Bad Day

A page in the diary "I hate myself"
Written by Nouse 9. Feb 2008 03:49 PM

I am feeling fairly ordinary today, and don't want to do anything or go anywhere, but i have the kids to look after. I hate feeling like this so much and know there are people worse off than me, but...
I have to get myself psyched up to return to work on Monday after so many weeks off, and i don't want to go. It is scaring me to think that I used to love my work so much and now I don't want to go back. I don't want to speak to my boss as he is a bully and he is the reason I am resigning when and if I do go back on Monday. My doctor knows this is troubling me as he knows how much I rely on my work for some adult time, so he is a little concerned what will happen when I resign. What if I can't get another job? I will be completely useless to my family then won't I. If I am useless to everyone, I may as well not be here, that is the truth of the matter. I am sick of my meds and my doctor is trying to get me back on them again properly after taking myself off of them for 3 months, they are horrible, the side effects...
I hate feeling like this, this has got to end somehow, wether it be a good outcome or bad, it just has to end.

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Comments from the community:

Hi Nouse, jacko2 here, sorry to hear that you are having a bad time of it.
Are you seeing any professional councellors, they can be a great means of support and comfort and give you some ways of helping to relieve stress and worries.
I have found that taking my meds in the early evening is allowing me to get a better nights sleep, this is helping me a lot.
Good luck.

Written by Deleted_User, 9. Feb 2008 04:00 PM

Nouse

Sorry things aren't going well for you. I know all about bullying and the loss of your job - I lost mine in 2005 and haven't been able to work since then. Let the professionals care for you in the way they should and if you need more of a break from work take it. You will get another job when things are better for you.

Go Nouse!!!

Studying1

Written by studying1, 9. Feb 2008 04:48 PM

Thanks guys, yes Jacko2 I am getting help, and have been for about 3 years now, but nothing is helping at the moment, just in a bit of a rut i suppose.
I have tried to take my meds at all times of the day and even overdosed on them once, but my psychiatrist sent the dogs to get me and found me in time. They locked me up for a while and dried the alcohol out of me but it never lasts long. It is all I have at the moment, it is all that gets me through.
Sorry

Written by Nouse, 9. Feb 2008 05:30 PM

hi nouse,

stick in there, hopefully you will find this site helpfull more than talking to a psyc. i do, psycs only know thru books but we are feeling it first hand so i and im sure evry one else is pleased to lend a shoulder. so talk it thru with us and im sure things will brighten up over the next couple of days

buddy

Written by Deleted_User, 9. Feb 2008 05:59 PM

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