My head is screwed
A page in the diary "I hate myself"
Written by Nouse 12. Aug 2008 01:25 AM
I haven't been here for a while......head has been a bit screwed. I'm not sure what i am even trying to write...just feel i should try to clear my head a little.
That is what i use this diary for.......told my psych about it today even though i have been coming here for 6 months or so now. He was surprisingly pleased that i use the diaries to clear my head.....
That's about all i told him.....can't seem to talk to him much right now.....i think its a fear of him knowing how i am really feeling and him wanting to put me in hospital.
He threatened to detain me today......i threatened to run, and he knows i will. If i run, i won't come back.
There is nothing to keep me here at the moment, and please don't go on about the kids and hubby etc etc etc..... i have heard it all before and i assume you have all heard that they would be better off without me...before. It all comes down to me being a bad mother and regardless of anything else....the kids will survive without me and will be much better off without my psycho crap filling their heads all the time.
My psych made me take some Seroquel while sitting in front of him the other day....to calm me down. I thought i was ok...he said i was pacing his room...i don't remember that. No wonder my head is a mess...i can't remember things....
I am sorry for clearing my head in here.....it's all i have right now. Hope i don't offend or frighten anyone with my thoughts but it's not worth me writing in my own diary if i don't tell the truth.
I better go....
take care all
Luv Nouse