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i wish i could say i want to live

A page in the diary "to give my feelings a voice"
Written by northrnbelle 9. Mar 2008 08:09 AM

that's pretty much how i feel - i wish i could say i really want to live, but about the best i can get to lately is not actively wanting to die... i finally told my sister about having depression. she took the information fairly well, but was pretty neutral in regard to offering support - she said i could call her if i wanted to, but 'there wasn't much she could do from where she is'... about what i expected. i saw the psychiatrist at the end of Feb... he stopped the wellbutrin and added remeron to the zoloft. i think i might be starting to improve - i'm not thinking about hurting myself (or worse) as much as i was before, but i've really had a hard time staying awake some days. i go back to see him on the 12th, so guess i can stick with it until then.

not much else is going on here - it is still cold and snowy, but it may get warm enough to start melting in a couple of days... i sure hope so - even people who aren't depressed have been complaining about how long this winter is lasting!

i'm sorry i've been so out of touch lately - either i've had no time / energy to post anything, or when i actually have tried to get on the site my connection hasn't worked... just not much luck for anything these days.

take care all,
Barbara2

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Comments from the community:

Belle

Glad the meds seem to be working at last. See the psychiatrist this week and well him how everything is REALLY going - be open and honest with him about how you are really going.

It is a positive that you don't want to harm yourself and it is positive you told your sister - a fairly normal reaction when people don't fully understand what depression is so involve her so she comes to know what it is - if she is available for your appointment on 12th ask her to go with you for support and know what treatment you are under/meet your psychiatrist. I found once my partner felt involved with my psychiatrist, he understood things better, was able to tell the psychiatrist how I had been since our last appointment.

Go Belle!!!

Studying1

Written by studying1, 9. Mar 2008 05:15 PM

Hey B2 :) Glad to see you're still around

I hear what you're saying about not actively wanting to die is the most enthusiasm you can muster for life, but it is great that you're a little better. Like you told me about the stones and the mountains, first you have to not actively want to die then you can begin to work on actively wanting to live. Hold onto that. I hope that things keep improving for you so that you get to that point.

Written by babz, 9. Mar 2008 06:12 PM