update
A page in the diary "to give my feelings a voice"
Written by northrnbelle 19. Jan 2008 10:31 AM
thank you so much for the responses to my last post... especially hounddog... i too was glad to learn that there was someone here that is a little closer by. not quite sure why that should make a difference on the internet, but somehow it does. so, i broke the ice a little by phoning some of the numbers i had late in the evening, when i was pretty sure i would only get an answering machine. i did get voicemail, but not much information, so i looked to see what i could find on the web. the local mood disorders society has a number of support groups at different times during the week - there is no fee and no registration required, and it is actually just across the river from where i live. so now i just have to get up the nerve to go there. i take the bus over the bridge though, just in case the urge to jump is stronger than my will to resist.
Hounddog - i went back and read through your diary entries when i couldn't sleep last night, and i was wondering how things went with your mother's cancer treatment. you only mentioned that once that i could find.
there is a strong family history of depression for me as well. my parents split up when i was four, and i didn't see much of my father after that, but i found out a few years ago that he had tried to kill himself and was hospitalized for quite a while. this would have been back in the early 70's, and he has some memory problems from the shock treatments he received, so i don't know much more than that. i'm trying to remember how old i was when my mother was in hospital, but i can't seem to pin it down. i do remember that we had to be very careful not to upset HER, but nobody really cared how we were doing as kids. (i have two older siblings - a sister and a brother) our family is quite spread around now geographically, but we are not very close regardless, and i haven't been able to be open with them about what i'm living with.
well, my brain seems to have shut down now so i guess thats it for today. thanks for listnening.