what does healing look like?
A page in the diary "to give my feelings a voice"
Written by northrnbelle 14. Jan 2008 06:34 AM
tried going for a walk today, but my walk is too slow...i can't outpace the sadness. i cried and the tears froze on my face, but i was too numb to feel it or care. Fresh snow covers everything here, and it looks so clean and pure, but it is all an illusion. underneath is the same dead grass that was there yesterday. even the snowflake itself is based on a tiny particle of dirt.
i had a counsellor once that kept asking me 'what does healing look like?' i wanted to scream at her 'if i knew that maybe i could get there!!!' that was about fifteen years ago and i don't think i am any closer to an answer to that question.
i am so tired of dragging myself through days that are so much of the same pain, day after day. it's hard to imagine a future that can look any different.
ten days here until i see my new counsellor again. will only be the third visit. maybe i can find someone to talk to in the meantime.
hope someone else is having a better day