to zombieluv - alternative to si
A page in the diary "to give my feelings a voice"
Written by northrnbelle 10. Jan 2008 10:40 AM
Hello. I am a newcomer to depnet, but I hope you all won't mind me putting my two cents in, as it was this post that motivated me to join up here.
Zombieluv, first I want you to know that I could completely relate to what you were saying in your post. I had been recently looking up si on google, and found some really good sites that offered understanding without judging or necessarily encouraging the practice. Part of what I want to share is some suggestions for what to do instead of hurting ourselves. The theory is to find something that in some way matches the feeling we are experiencing - for example; if we are angry: slash a plastic bottle or towel; if we are numb: squeeze an ice cube until it melts; if we need to comfort or self soothe: take a bath or smooth lotion on the spot that we hurt; if we are needing to see blood: draw on the skin with a red marker or food colouring. I hope i haven't stepped out of line with any of these suggestions, and i'm not saying they will work, but but i offer them up for whatever its worth. Hope you can stay safe whatever you do.
A little more about myself. I am a 41 yr old female who has never been married and has no kids. I have been part of the Canadian version of this site for a short time, but it is really short on the interaction / feedback side of things. I have struggled with depression most of my life. I was around nine yrs old when i first had thoughts about killing myself. My family home was a dangerous place, and i was the kid in school that everyone else teased, so mostly i just escaped into books. I still have a hard time connecting with people, whether as a friendship or a romantic relationship. Needless to say, my support system is practically non-existent. I have been on meds for several years now, but i find that they seem to stop working after a few months. The one that worked best made me start throwing everything up after a couple of months so that had to be changed. I'm on Zoloft right now, and am managing to keep going to work, but i'm not getting much else done. I can't remember when I last mopped my floors or did a load of laundry. I don't have a computer at home so i'm only on line for a short time at the end of the workday. I can read posts on my cell phone but i can't make any new entries.
I think i've said enough for now, although i can tell you its alot colder here - about -15 Celsius today.
Thank you