new beginings
A page in the diary ""
Written by hellhole 25. Jan 2008 09:11 PM
Ive come to the conclusion that my only chance of survival is to change my focus. I need to concentrate on my son & the baby about to come rather then pining over a man who may never again love me back. Ive tried & ive tried to resolve things between us & get my family back in order, but it doesnt mean anything to him, constant rejections. I build myself up, thinking this time il get thru to him etc, then get knocked down everytime. When im stressed my baby gets distressed, my toddler plays up more. So somehow i need to shut him out of my mind & focus only on my kids. not sure exactly how im going to do that but i gota try coz im not coping with things how they are. I sent him a letter telling him that & how i feel. Ive done so before & got no response at all back, so dont expect to this time either. But this is my last straw, my final attempt. Not sure if im doing the right thing. I dont want my kids to resent me later for not trying hard enough to keep there dad around. If i wasnt such an idiotic nutcase he'd still be around. Ive stuffed up so much in my life. I dont want to stuff theres up to. THey deserve better then the likes of me, but they dont have dads, so i need to make sure there mummy is there for me whenever they need. Im not going to be the best mum in the world, but il try me best.