follow up
A page in the diary ""
Written by hellhole 15. Jan 2008 10:17 PM
Thanx to the few who took the time to reply to my post. Your effort & time though may of been wasted on someone like me. Im simply not worth it. I am trying people... just not geting far, getting better at appearing fine though. Not that anyone can notice as theres nobody around.
Andrew, thanx, but maybe your sis is stronger then i am. Im glad things are working out for her. I am hopeful but still very doubtful if that makes sense.
To the moderator that commented yes i am on Cipramil, only a low dose as im pregnant & have to stop in a couple of months so the baby isnt affected when its born in 4 months. I presented myself back to the local mental health team (i was there client a couple of years ago till my caseworker went overseas n forgot to put me on to someone else) about 6mths ago & got passed on & dismissed to 5 different sectors some before they even talked to me others never got back to me. Nobody took me seriously, nobody wanted to help me. All they did do is put in a report to DOCS about me just in case i wasnt just playing games with them & did decide to kill myself & take my kids with me to. That was the only concern they showed. I went to them in desperate need for help & all they did was make things worse. they thought i might kill my kids to, not that i ever would. Unless i do it now with my unborn baby inside.. So i gave up & went back to dealing with things myself. I asked my gp at antenatal appt to give me something that wouldnt hurt bub, there are benefits n risks with any but i had to try something. I cried right through the appt, also because my ex was there & it hurts to look at him with all thats happened & now gone.
It (Cipramil)gives me a lot of headaches & nausea & i dunno what its doing to the baby but i can function a bit better. Not always feeling any better but am able to get up out of bed to tend to my childs needs. Its hard cause his a hyper kid thats full of energy & never stops, & i dont have a lot, one cause of the depression, two cause of the pregnancy.
Anyway i think that answers all your questions. If u wana know more just ask me. My head feels like its in a vice atm so im going to go. Not that i can sleep much anyway. My dreams are of memories that would scare any horror lover, sometimes i can still see it playing in the back of my head even when i wake up. top your worst nightmares. Dont even remember last time i got a peaceful night sleep....
bye everyone