lost
A page in the diary ""
Written by hellhole 9. Jul 2008 12:12 AM
Darkness looms overhead as i struggle to find the stregnth to keep going at least for my childrens sake. I feel guilty even contemplating the things i am when my babies are sleeping in the next rooms. I wanted so bad to create a happy family life for them but instead i stuff everything up as usual so i wonder if theyd be better without the burden of a screwed up mother. i know i have probably said similar things before & i apologise for being repititive but it is an ongoing battle for me that i have no idea how to fix or cope with or whatever. Nothing ever gets any better in my life. Anytime theres a slight glimpse of improvement something happens, just one problem after another & ive just had enough. Its like if someone was to start piling bricks on your shoulders, more and more and more, eventually your going to come crashing down. this is me & i have little stregnth to get back up so it can start again nor can i think of many reasons to want to. perhaps my earlier statement was wrong, maybe i do know what i need to do, i cant see any other options. Perhaps there will be light through the other side of my darkness...
or maybe im just talking shit & u should just ignore me like everybody else does