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Written by hellhole 21. Jun 2008 11:38 PM

I have a new baby, his name is Riley, his a month old. My 3 yr old Max is great with him although fights over attention sometimes. I thought things would be different with Rileys father after he was born, i was right, but not for the better. His doing his best to make things as difficult as humanly possible & im having trouble coping with all the stress etc. I have enough to deal with with me & my mind, now ive got a overactive very trying toddler, a newborn baby that screams constantly so loud he gives you a headache, makes yours ears ring, & gives himself a sore throat & his cry then sounds croaky or he throws up. He only stops when he has a bottle in his mouth or is asleep, sometimes if his cuddled in my arms, but the second you put him down he starts again. They both have useless fathers except one pays child support & leaves me alone, the other hasnt contributed anything not physically as being there for me, helping me with the children at all, emotionally or financially-not one cent, has me in tears every time he comes around or cries, ignores my other son, has refused to sign the birth registration saying his not sure his really his but also got a lawyer to fight me for a access to a child he claims isnt his- thus extenuating my stress & anxiety level. This isnt good for my coping skills arent the best, but its not just my life anymore, i have 2 babies in my care now to...

Ive been off my antidepressants last few months as they would of affected my baby when he was born, havnt decided if i wana go back on them. Im reluctant to go for help for last time i was treated horribly, not helped at all but just porned off to several different sectors & reported to DOCS just in case i did kill myself & take my babies with me, thats all they cared about & my competence as a mother. Those reports are permanant & can stuff everything up. So if i go get help i & tell the truth i risk losing my kids. So i have no choice but to keep everything to myself & my mouth shut. I just try to keep busy & distract myself. Try & focus on my kids instead of all my other problems.

anyway i better go, bye peoples.

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Comments from the community:

hellhole

there are other sources of help than docs.. try getting into a parenting program at a community centre... get some respite from the babies with child care if you can afford it one day a week... or a morning if you can...

get back on the a/d to help you ... you don't sound as if you are breast feeding...

talk to your local gp about support...

get legal advice about the access ... legal aid...

take care

rgds
cate

Written by cateblack, 21. Jun 2008 11:48 PM

Hi hellhole

Sounds like bub's has colic, look up Bowen Therapist's in the phone book, they can get rid of colic and they don't usually charge for babies, good luck.

Al

Written by Al1970, 22. Jun 2008 12:14 AM

Hi Hellhole

Firstly, congratulations on the birth of Riley.

I'm sorry you are having a tough time lately, so much responsibility for one so young as you. I'm not sure where you live but in Canberra we have a safe home for mothers and babies called Karinya House. I'm sure you would have a similar organisation in your city as well. I would have a look on the internet to see if I could find some support groups to help you cope.

Also, get Riley checked at the GP for his crying and whilst your there have a check up yourself and a chat about some support within you local community. I think you can even get a nurse to come to your home to help you out with getting baby to settle and sleep better.

A phone call to the Child Support Agency will sort Riley's father out - they can garnisheer his wage, so that you will get regular payments for Riley. The phone number is 1300 885 437.

Please don't suffer in silence - there is loads of help for mums and bubs - you really should be enjoying your latest blessing, so please take care of yourself and your little family.

Wishing you well
Dolly x

Written by Deleted_User, 22. Jun 2008 12:27 AM

Hi again HH

Just wanted to provide this contact address for Karinya House www.karinyahouse.asn.net

Even if you are not in Canberra or the surrounding region, please give them a call - I''m sure they could offer you some contacts in your state.

Best wishes
Dolly x

Written by Deleted_User, 22. Jun 2008 12:34 AM

This is going to sound very harsh - but it is reality. I think the answer is clear - the father is a LOSER. You thought things would improve once Riley was born?They won't. Why even bother with him. Ditch him and you'll be doing your self and the baby a favour. Please don't try and kid yourself. So many girls fall into this trap. You have done it twice now. You'll have to deal with life now as a single parent and it won't be easy.

Written by Maya, 22. Jun 2008 02:24 AM

dear Hellhole.

You need help and you need it now. It doesn't seem from what you have written that the father will be much use. I don't know where you live but tomporrow you need to seek out a support agency. There is no shame in getting outside help. Maybe your GP will be able to advise where to go. I sense you are close to being overwhelmed by all your burdens, so make the determined effort to get help TOMORROW. I wish you all the very best.

Peter

Written by surfer, 22. Jun 2008 11:50 AM

Try not stressing over stuff which you can't do anything about. Doesn't matter he didn't sign the Birth Registration, and fight for access is the wrong word, he is entitled to apply and as soon as he does you call Legal Aid so that all parties are represented and all needs considered. It's not a fight. He is entitled. Child Support too is a straightforward application-his stress not yours. You are entitled.
A baby is a big enough job without you fretting over this other beurocratic stuff. Stay away from Docs, these other suggestions are great, most new Mothers need help and support, not the other way around. In NSW it is Tresillian for parenting help.
I'm sorry your fantasy of family life is gone, and am sure he said or did things to perpetuate that and cause confusion. My feeling is deny him access at the moment until there is a Court Order so that everyone knows exactly what they are doing. It's not ok him popping in and out of your life. You need routine and so do your Children.
I can't say I am sorry about your situation as I loved being a parent, sole or not and I love babies. Most newborns cry unless they are fed, asleep, or cuddled so far as I know.

Written by maple, 22. Jun 2008 12:14 PM

Hellhole

Congratulations on your new addition.

Please consider restarting your meds as it will help you cope with the stress that is in your life.

Why don't you try some day care for your 3 year old. It will do him good and give you some quality time with Riley.

Better get a lawyer if the father/not father is being difficult and won't sign the birth registry.

Cate's reply is also a good idea and you should think about it.

Go Hellhole!!!

Mrs Studying1

Written by studying1, 22. Jun 2008 03:56 PM

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