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spoke to the pdoc today...

A page in the diary "Meandering Thoughts"
Written by cateblack 16. Apr 2008 12:47 AM

I had my usual appointment with the pdoc... and we talked about the lap banding and my thoughts about it... there is nothing physically that would prevent me from having the operation... but there is a problem with the motivation... I have been reading a post on a yahoo group on lap banding... I have read women who said it was the worst decision they ever made and other women who said it was the best decision they ever made... I am reading this one woman's post and she went for 22 months on Optifast diet and lost over 60kgs ... and then had lap banding... but since then she lost 4kgs more then gained 10kgs... which is where i have got up to on her post... now she has so much motivation and determination to succeed prior to getting lap banding... and seems to have lost it for the moment... i will read more... BUT .... I do not have that sort of determination... if someone told me i was going to die I would say thank you and how long... not this woman she found the strength and determination to make changes in her life .. but she had husband and children... and friends... and a purpose... I have been trying to find the purpose ... the reason to live... the reason to change my attitude ... find my motivation... to stick to a rigid strict diet for the rest of my life... to never enjoy the taste of my food... to taste a fillet steak... or drink a bottle of wine... all to lose weight... to never enjoy a piece of cake....

Anyway.. I will be condemned by my family as weak and not trying hard enough to fix my problems... I just can't find the motivation... losing weight means I will be left alone with no one to care about me... as I will be assumed to be independent and not needing anyone...

so there are many reasons... I told my pdoc about this... he said to try and see if I can stick to the optifast diet... I tried herbalife and couldn't stick to it... I have been told about the cohen diet... but I am not sure i can afford it... the trust said my budget is in deficit...

I have to find a way to make a decision ... I can't do it... I think I have said this already... in a previous post...

I told my brother ... he said it is hard to know what is the best thing to do... but i have to lose weight... or i have to sell my house... and find a new place to live...

I am so confused... I hate the thought of a foreign object inside my body... i don't want to vomit if i eat the wrong food or too much food... I don't want pain to be the message my body has when I eat anything...

I can't manage to prepare meals for myself now... how am i going to manage to prepare the special meals I would have to eat with the lap banding... and the rigidity of drinking water and having meals at a set time each day...

sorry I could go on and on about this... my pdoc had to calm me down today... I am so worried about this... so i try not to think about it...

pdoc said about my obsessional thinking...

I have been forgetting my morning meds some days...

well that is it...

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Comments from the community:

Hiya Cate. I know someone who had the lap-banding op. It wasn't exactly pretty in terms of how and what she had to eat afterwards.

I reckon if you had it, you'd find the motivation to prepare suitable food (pureed initially) simply because you have to, to live.

If you don't have the surgery, then you need to come up with a practical alternative (and yeah, since I'm 5'4" and 125kg I totally know where you're coming from with 'it's hard' or 'its expensive' or whatever)

You really have only two choices. The first leads to more of life, the second to more of death - death of a dream, a house, of good-health, or of relationships. Sorry to seem so black and white about it, but in terms of working on my own stuff, if I think of only those two choices - one that leads to more of life, and one that leads to more of death (a slow intolerable lingering death), then it does help motivate me to make positive choices.

Sure, I lose motivation sometimes. Depression doesn't help with that, but the Life and Death image is really simple and it works for me. Maybe it'll help you.

In terms of getting your own meal prep under control, start with simple - toast w beans, boiled egg, fruit, easy stuff you can manage. Add a couple of 'lean cuisine' meals per week and you're starting to get a far more reasonable diet. Once you get going with it, you're likely to start enjoying it enough to extend your repetoire incrementally. But don't be too hard on yourself if sometimes you can't be bothered cooking (we all get that!)

Good luck!

Written by g463, 16. Apr 2008 01:17 AM

Cate

I will ask you this question again, who is going to do the surgery and is it their speciality. The doctor who did mine, pioneered it here in qld but he is now in the states, so you need to have someone who knows what they are doing.

Sure you can sagotage it - I do - slurpies, wash food down with drink and the like but that is to make sure I don't get the vomits as they are the worst. I limit my intake to what they recommend and I have lost and gained weight and gained more from medications like avanza.

You need your psychiatrist to put you on a medication that is least likely to affect your appetite while helping your condition - for me it is luvox - and then see if you loose any weight from that change. The optifast diet affects your bowels (sorry about the topic) and you end up very constipated so you need to talk to the doctor about it.

I will ask you again, who is proposing to do the surgery and what are they proposing to do? There are some very bad surgeons out there who don't know how to fit a band - I know of a lady whose band is not fitted properly, she was gaining weight and when they tried to adjust the port it wasn't in the right place. My port is hard to find because of the fat.

It is a simple procedure to have done but it has life time ramifications so you need a good professional surgeon who knows what they are doing so it works/can be adjusted when/if you need that.

Go Cate!!!

Mrs Studying1

Written by studying1, 16. Apr 2008 07:32 AM

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