Easter
A page in the diary "Meandering Thoughts"
Written by cateblack 17. Mar 2008 03:25 PM
Every year I find it more and more difficult to fill the time spent over Easter... I could try and see my brother and his family but I think he is going out to his property in Dulacca... out west... not sure if any of his kids are going with him... I know his wife is not... she doesn't like the rough and readiness of the country... the house is still a little rustic... and there is no running water...
But I won't ever get out there... as I am not physically mobile enough... my brother loves the place...
That still leaves me with Easter... my other brother now lives in the city also... he moved from the Coast a couple of months ago... now he is good to me but I frustrate him... as I do my sister who lives interstate... actually she has gone overseas for 7 weeks.. left on Sunday ... so I will not get my weekly call from her... checking I haven't died or fallen or something... and one of my friends has gone away for a couple of months... so I won't be seeing her... and all my other friends have family they will be with ... so I will be alone... no health professionals to care for me during Easter... oh dear this is a woe is me pity party... do i have candles on the cake? ... and balloons at my party...
What do i do? I have nothing planned... I do not know what to do... i have some work... and i noticed that there are not too many people to chat to on my chat sites... i have a couple... and no emails... i have to write to my sister in law and also to another friend ... i seem to keep saying the wrong thing to her... i also do not seem to have my own mind about things... i feel i have to get gastric banding because I should not be happy being obese and i should want to lose weight... so I am following my doctors orders and going for an assessment to see if I am a suitable candidate... and also because my family think i should try to change my life and so I have to make the effort to do the things seen as necessary to make changes...
i am dragged into these decisions... because i have no will to do something for myself... i will be a good girl and do what i am told... i wanted people to make my decisions for me... and they are making my decisions for me by telling me what they expect me to do... they feel they are giving me a choice but i know I have no choice... so we both win... today the Personal Helpers and Mentor Schems (PHAMS) asked me if I should get my family to appoint the Adult Guardian to make my decisions for me... a friend thinks this is the worst thing to do ... to lose my freedom... to lose my right to make a decision... I am so confused about this... i do not think i am capable of making a decision... but the mental health nurse thinks I am competent to make my own decisions... and I do not think i am competent...
Whoops i have gone on a bit... i can talk... and all of this started because of easter...
well enough....
Rgds
cate