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Just a quick thought...

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Written by cateblack 30. Sep 2008 09:58 PM

Well i went to see the pdoc today... he said keep on the meds... he has now seen me in an elevated mood... he said now i can give you risperdal as a bipolar.. not special like before... i had psychosis depression... i think... schizophrenic like symptoms... he said i am a bipolar... i told him i am not because we do not have a history of it in our family as far as i know... we had one great great auntie who had mental illness mostly brain injury from being beaten badly by her husband who nearly killed her several times he beat her so badly... she had epilepsy from head injury... we think...

friend said she thinks i am a variant of the borderline diagnosis... she is bipolar... but she also said the new research says there are more than one type of bipolar possibly up to maybe 8 other types and that i might be one of the other types -

she said when i tried to speak to her the other night she couldn't make sense of what i was saying... so she hung up on me.. and her friend i also rang said i was talking strange too... i asked her if when she is manic if she is the same as me...and she said we are all different and also she said she didn't really remember but a person's perception is altered...

take the meds... i ran out of risperdal... i will get some tomorrow... one day won't matter... i have a script ... i have this thing about wanting to run ppl over when driving and the traffic lights giving me instructions as to what direction to take my thoughts and then the car...

i have to ring the trust tomorrow and tell them i do not want my small investment in shares... they have to take them out... and put them in term deposits...

i talked to mental health nurse and she said i should get a lift in my house and stay here... she said she would advocate for that... she said my mental health would not be good in a supported accommodation...

i have to live in poverty... no money... no job if i can't drive... i have to wait until my meds work and my mind works again... but what do i do about a job with the ATO .... they will not give me one... i have a conciliation with them in 2 weeks... they gave me one and then took it off me because someone said i was violent... but i am not ... unless it is about the human race... but i want a gentle disease to kill ppl off... not horrible death... maybe we will get used to the idea...i know it is sad to have someone you care about die... but you are only sad for a short time... and if we have lots of death then ppl will get used to it and they will not dwell on it as they will know it is just a part of the cycle of life...

and i have been asked a few times if i will be in the queue to get the virus ... yes i will ... i am not exempt because i thought of the idea... i will do it but i want to educate ppl in the idea of accepting death as a natural process that helps maintain the planet in balance...

ok that is it ...

rgds
cate

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Comments from the community:

Oh Cate Im a little worried about you sure we go thru many stages with different meds and what the meds do to our thought processes.Just in passing i had a blood pressure problem on Sunday, it was caused by a med.Can you let me know what are you housing problems are. My email is on here if you want to contact me for a chat ok.Please take care ok

Written by Deleted_User, 30. Sep 2008 10:52 PM

Outta curiosity did you tell your pdoc bout your desire to kill off the human race?
And the traffic lights giving you directions (which's kinda their purpose but not in the way you said...)
Bi-polar... Yeah maybe... Borderline??? Dunno
Just plain loopy lately??? DEFINATELY

Leave your shares where they are, their probably worthless now...

Written by Gyps, 30. Sep 2008 11:20 PM

Schizophrenia sounds on the mark... your sure gettin obsessed bout killing off people- diseases, running them over...
Traffic lights talking to you...
You cant make a decision bout your finances given you acknowledge you've gotta get your head sorted out.
Take the meds & maintain contact with your pdoc & mental health nurse.
Just coz you dont know of anyone in your family havin bi-polar doesnt mean you dont have it.

Written by Gyps, 30. Sep 2008 11:30 PM

Cate

I know your pdoc is very thorough in his job. He wouldn't make a diagnosis like that unless he thought it was a real possibility. If there are different levels of bipolar, you might have a weak version of it. I don't know much about bipolar so perhaps you need to do some research on the net/or speak to Dr T.

I agree about the telling him about the killing the human race - I hope you mentioned it to him. You could be like me with a good variety of the various mental illnesses - under the diagnosis book I have bits of almost all of the illnesses except bipolar and schiphenia. Perhaps you are going through some stages of OCD? BDP a possibility. Speak to Dr T further to find out where you fit in the diagnositic tool psychs use.

I hope you are taking someone with you to the conciliation with ATO. Get a strong supportive person to go with you as from my experience with previous employers, they are horrible to deal with when they are forced to go to conciliation/mediation.

Go Cate!!!

Mrs Studying1

Don't take the shares out - you won't get alot back for them given what is happening in Australia/globally.

Written by studying1, 30. Sep 2008 11:48 PM

From Wikipedia-

"Common symptoms of Hashimoto's-
Weight gain
DEPRESSION
MANIA
Panic attacks
Memory loss

Hashimoto's is often misdiagnosed as bi-polar disorder and, less frequently, as anxiety disorder."

Time for the Hash Queen to get some blood tests...

Written by Gyps, 1. Oct 2008 12:21 AM

1. Leave your shares where they are. This is for two reasons: one, with the economic uncertainty, unless you really know what you're doing, or are acting on advice from a professional financial adviser, it isn't a smart idea. two, you're in NO state to be making such an important decision.

2. Your behaviour is sounding quite disturbing. I read from your next diary that you told your pdoc, but since you can't remember much of what he said perhaps you should call him and write down his responses so you know what to do/not do.

3. You don't have to have a family history of an illness to have it yourself. I have been diagnosed with bipolar and also borderline personality disorder with no family history of either. Environment plays a part in whether people develop an illness. That is why when one identical twin has schizophrenia, the other one has it only about 70ish% of the time (don't quote me on stats, it's something like that).

4. Don't skip a day of your meds, that is the last thing you need at the moment. You need to keep taking them so they can start working for you again.

5. Take care of yourself, try and take it easy.

Written by babz, 1. Oct 2008 07:46 PM

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