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Puzzled

A page in the diary "Meandering Thoughts"
Written by cateblack 18. Sep 2008 12:37 AM

I keep wondering what is happening in my life... i try to think of the future and my mind refuses to consider it... I am supposed to think about a different type of work... and I am at a loss... i have no talents to use... i feel a little confused... and lost... i have lost most of my motivation... and that is not depression... i have spoken about my loss of work ethic before... i have spoken about my loss of identity... i have spoken about a few of these things... i read the diaries... i try to offer suggestions from what i have been taught... i just do not know what to do... i feel as if everything is lost... i do not want to use cliches... or trite comments... i am not sure why i am even writing this diary... maybe to connect with someone... i had a virus recently and no one helped me... i hurt my back yesterday and could hardly walk... and i rang a friend for some help she wasn't home.. so i rang another friend and organised for her to buy me some painkillers... when i finally got to speak to the first friend she didn't offer to help me tomorrow when I told her I wasn't able to help her with her computer... yet she tells me if i need help i should just call her... i am not depressed... i just have this feeling that something bad is going to happen to me...

i can't explain it... it just sits there in the background waiting for me to let my guard down... and when i think all is safe... God will get me... i know he is waiting for me to punish me... the feeling just won't go away...

i try so hard to think of something i can do... but my mind refuses to work... i have said this before...

i do not know what to do...

take care

rgds
cate

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Comments from the community:

It is so frustrating to want to figure out a way forward when the mind is blank. Are you able to volunteer, so you can have some idea about where you would like go jobwise?

Written by jupiter, 18. Sep 2008 04:33 AM

Hi Cate

What is this you say - you have no talents! Not so, Cate, not so. You have many talents shown here in the diaries. For example; compassionate, wise, erudite - and more. Perhaps one of the talents you need to work on is confidence. And listen here Cate, NO ONE is waiting to punish you. Is it that you punish yourself too much when there is no cause? I wish you well.

Peter

Written by surfer, 18. Sep 2008 11:35 AM

Dear Cate

Have confidence and faith in yourself and your inner strenght and wisdom. I have lost count of the days when you have provided me with such uplifting advice and words of comfort. Just knowing that there are people like you in this world gives me such comfort and peace.

I have been where you are - i think we all have. God it's a awful place - you wouldn't wish it on your worst enemy. We feel so vulnerable when we are unwell and the loneliness and distorted thoughts begin to creep in. It is those negative and untrue thoughts that you must fight! They are simply not true and have no validation.

You are wise, you are loved (by many deppies and your friends) and you can heal and move forward. You have the knowledge Cate - use it on yourself and listen to your inner voice.

Stay strong and know that I am thinking of you.

Best wishes Dolly

Written by dolly, 18. Sep 2008 01:57 PM

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