A Bad Day
A page in the diary "The Days Of My Life"
Written by lifesucks 26. Feb 2008 01:45 AM
It started last night when I was concerned about the well being of another deppie. After learning that they were ok I left chat and went to bed. I forgot to take my medication.
Already feeling confused over the events of the previous evening I woke up feeling quite low. I had a really busy day at work today with more work being piled on top of me.
I had to leave work early for my therapy group. I managed to get there on time but then couldn't find a parking spot so still ended up late for the third week in a row. Today we looked at our relationships with people and how the sexual abuse we experienced as children had affected how we relate to people. I was teary a few times during our group and when we finished I decided to head straight for home as I knew I was not going to be able to hold it together for much longer.
That wasn't far from the truth. I got home and went to turn on the computer. While that was starting I went to say hello to my son but he was not in his room, not even at home. His bike was in the garage so I had no idea what had happened to him. I tried to phone him but got no answer. About 15 mins later my husband came home and I told him Aaron wasn't home and he said he was working at a different store tonight. Nice of someone to share that information with me.
For some reason I started to get even more upset and I found myself feeling really insecure with my current relationships. I guess something was said that struck a nerve with me but still haven't totally identified what it is.
I still worry about not being good enough and letting people down even though I have been told a number of times that I am a good person. Not so long ago I was talking to someone on chat about how I was feeling and I thought that this person was interested in what I was saying. It sure felt that way at the time. They started having computer problems and apologised to me however they used someone else's name. I realise that computer problems are something that we don't have control over.
That has now left me feeling as though how I feel really doesn't matter. Were they just talking to me because they felt as though they were obliged to. I don't want any sympathy or any one to feel sorry for me. I would just like people to be honest and not take the time to start a conversation with me if it is not what they really want.
The purpose of this entry is to try to explain how I am feeling at the moment and not to make anyone feel bad or guilt about what happened.