Read diary

Feeling Abandoned Again

A page in the diary "The Days Of My Life"
Written by lifesucks 17. Jan 2008 01:29 AM

16th January 2008

I found today’s session with my psychologist very tough. Everything he said made perfect sense and I think I have a fair idea of all the things that I seem to do wrong but I can’t stop making the same mistakes over and over. I guess it’s all so familiar that I keep going back it.

He asked me if I would be okay. Although emotionally I was hurting pretty bad. I thought that I would be and that I could keep things in perspective. It wasn’t to be though. I have spent the day crying on and off. Then when I took my husband to the doctor this afternoon as he has gout in his foot I got quite emotional again while I was there.

This morning my psychologist told me he was going to Bali for 10 days. I just got over Christmas and my psychiatrist isn’t even back from holidays yet and now he is going again. No matter how much I try to tell myself that it’s only 10 days and quite often my appointments are two weeks apart anyway I can’t seem to shake the feeling of being abandoned. It’s like there is a video in my brain being played over and over of him telling me he forgot to mention he was going away.

I feel like I have failed him and failed myself.

« Prev page | Next page »

Comments from the community:

BPD..I don't know you but fear of abandonment figures greatly in that diagnosis and for you, would be realistic given your history, and so would not be abnormal. I find it abnormal that a psychologist would ask you if you will be ok, particularly whilst expressing their holiday intentions. It would like me asking that whilst going off shift...totally unrealistic.

Written by Deleted_User, 17. Jan 2008 01:15 PM

lifesucks

This is a very strange diary entry. Don't know how to reply to it except to say, be positive and know we are here to support and help you.

Go lifesucks!!!

Studying1

Written by studying1, 17. Jan 2008 08:06 PM

Hi LS
I'm new here on depnet, but just wanted to say that I am thinking of you. It seems like you are feeling really alone with what you are going through at the moment. I wish you strength in getting through the next 10 days. Hang in there and know that it is not your fault that this situation happened. If you have the strength perhaps you can mention your reaction to your psychologist leaving you when he returns from leave. Good Luck from Riles

Written by riles, 17. Jan 2008 10:27 PM

No - you definitely haven't failed your psych - so don't stress about that. You're just going through a tough time. I think sometimes after a tough session with a psych it can be normal to have an emotional reaction. Don't be too hard on yourself...and yes...the 10 days will pass - and you will be ok. You will be ok.

Lots of love and warmth

Kimberly
xoxo

Written by Wolveress, 18. Jan 2008 02:56 AM

About depression	Help with depression	Help for relatives	Society	DepNet Community	My Depression