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Waht to do?

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Written by girlie 31. Mar 2008 03:51 PM

What do I do now?
I have been working on a particular relationship problem with my phycologist..... but now I don't know what to do......
I have been with my partner for 15 years now and from time to time I have thought he was cheating on me. I caught him out lying to me so many times but I never caught him properly and he would never admit to anything. So on the weekend I confronted him again.
I told him that because of all the lies and affairs I felt that he has had, I have no trust left in the relationship and no self confidence. Each time something happened I lost more confidence. I feel like I have never been enough for him.
He said the obvious, I'm so sorry, I had no idea that you felt that way but by the way I did have sort of an affair. He had a strong emotional bond and kissed another woman but said that was all that happened. He said she stroked his ego and he liked it, that was all. This just cemented my thoughts that I have never been enough!!
What do I do now? I feel like my depression has taken a turn for the worse in the last few weeks, I have been sick with worry about trying to sort my relationship out. I just don't know what to do.
I am so scared of the future and what might happen, I worry about coping by myself after 15 years but I don't know if I can stay here either.
I have another meeting with my phyc tomorrow afternoon so hopefully she can help me.....

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Comments from the community:

Girlie

Good on you for challenging you other half. A kiss if that was all it was, is not worth breaking up over after 15 years. I think you should go to couples counselling and see what comes out of that. It is tough to get that trust back but it is also tough to be by yourself over one kiss. Make sure he is telling the whole story before you make any decisions.

Go Girlie!!!

Mrs Studying1

Written by studying1, 31. Mar 2008 04:15 PM

Hi girlie,

First of all I'd like to say Im sorry that your Partner of 15 yrs has cheated on you. I would also like to share with you that I have been in the same boat. All the lies, all the denials, only to find out as time goes on, that my Husband, now my EX, had been cheating on me all thru our Marriage.

I like you, saw it as there must be something wrong with me and my self-esteem plumetted and led me to Panic/Anxiety and finally Depression. I actually caught him red-handed and he still denied it! I wasnt in a strong space at the time, I was emotionally shocked, shattered and very fragile.I lost all trust in him that night.

I stayed with him to try and repair our Marriage, but he just got ten times worse. Looking back now and it's only been two months, I think it's certainly not a reflection on me. I was Faithful all the way thru, it's a reflection on him, that he can not be with one special person and stay Faithful.

It's highly probable that my EX is already in another relationship, telling her, his sob story that his wife is a nutcase!...lol! At the end of the day, even though I am struggling, as my life has been turned upside down by all this and I chose to separate, I dont suffer with Panic/anxiety anymore and my Depression has lifted somewhat.

I tried everything I could think of to save my Marriage to no Avail. The only thing I can suggest to you is maybe Marriage counselling if your Partner is willing (mine wasnt) to work through why he feels a need to cheat. It isnt your problem directly it's his, although it does affect you greatly.

I wish you all the best in working through this. Pls Just remember its not YOU, its not a Reflection on you, it's a Reflection on him.

Kind Regards,

cherry

Written by cherry1, 31. Mar 2008 04:31 PM

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