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A page in the diary "Steve the Diary"
Written by winterrain 28. Nov 2007 12:47 AM

I spend a lot, A LOT of time on facebook and have found it, and some of the groups on there amazingly helpful and supportive, but one group I found as was a member of has just ripped me apart - or unfixed one part of me I had fixed.
I have an eating disorder - no big mystery there - so I joined a couple of recovery groups, one which actually is, one which, at the worst possible time, turned out not to be.
I was already feeling fat and horrible and disgusting and trying not to go back to old safe habits, so I went and looked at this group and all the pictures ALL of them are of such thin models and celebrities (like Paris Hilton and her best friend...I can't remember names) and Audrey Hepburn - who I idolise as an actress, a woman and as having the perfect body - so I'm looking at these photos going 'God I am just disgusting, my stomach has rolls, I've let myself get out of control again, how am I ever going to suceed at anything if I can't even control my eating?"
I miss the old me, where I could count my ribs in the mirror, she was safer, she could function.
I want my Eating Disorder back - and the thing is, it's there already, I just have to let it take over my mind again.
Logical brain is screaming NO!!!!
Brain who wants saftey and at least one thing I can do well is going, c'mon, bet you can't do it, let's just try and see.
Sigh.

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Comments from the community:

You can totally have my eating disorder!!! I don't want it.

Written by babz, 28. Nov 2007 01:45 AM

hi winterrain sun here

im sorry you have an eating disorder and i hope you get better with the right councelling and support the models in the magazines are all air brushed and the photos of them are all strecthed to make them look thin the air brushed photos are to iron out their facial flaws such as acne skin blotches lines and wrinkles and celuilete audrey hetburn was not thin by choice hers was by starvation in the war and she remained a bag of bones till she died as lovely as audrey hetburn was she was never fully well because of her mel nourishment beauty is within. on the outside is irrelevant some models who are beautiful can be the ugliest people you could wish to meet as i said before beauty is on the inside not the outside you see beauty is false it is not who we are
the advertising industry has a lot to answer for so you see winterrain no one is perfect we all have our flaws in the end it is up to you and only you you are perfect in your own right as is everyone why listen to and read what society thinks what we should look like and act like if we all looked like waifs then the world would be a boring place winterrain you are beautiful just the way you are remeber that i don't want an airbrushed society do you
keep your chin up kind regards from sun

Written by sun, 28. Nov 2007 01:47 PM

oh big *hugs* for you. I know its hard not to fall back into the old habits. i think its a struggle alot of us have everyday.
you have to tell urself no that ur not going back to that. and try to love yourself the way you are.
hugs
Tracieblue

Written by tracieblue, 28. Nov 2007 02:16 PM

Winterrain

You don't want your eating disorder. It is I am sure an awful thing to have to deal with/go through. I have some idea as I am overweight and can't loose the weight like I want to. I need an eating disorder but then that would be hard to deal with with depression, anxiety, phobias, social phobia.

Hun, get the treatment you need and remember the pictures in the magazines are touched up so they are made to look extra thin.

Go Winterrain!!!

Studying1

Written by studying1, 28. Nov 2007 06:00 PM

Dear avril,

it's strange what habits have the effect of feeling safe or secure for us, isn't it? For example, I would have LOVED to be with my cruel canadian again, just because it was something so familiar...although it was unhealthy and painful.

Please try to fight these thoughts, give your logical brain a chance. You are perfect and beautiful, and it doesn't depend on your appearance or your body. Losing weight would never make you a better person. All these idols are just stupid and surely very unhappy persons who never eat anything nice, who are unable to enjoy anything, just because they are to weak to resist the rules of society. Who says we have to be skinny to have a happy life. It's all bullshit, believe me!

And it is an illusion that you have everything under control if you over-control your eating habits. You will lose control even more.

You're on Facebook? If you want tell me your name so I can throw a sheep on you! If you want you find me under me email-adress which is posted on my depnet profile. Hope to hear from you!

Love
Luise.

Written by Luise, 30. Nov 2007 03:20 AM

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