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Still Hollow and in Pain

A page in the diary "Steve the Diary"
Written by winterrain 14. Nov 2007 01:02 AM

thank you everyone for your emails - Babz as usual you are right - but I've always organised appointments via text with her before (for almost 2 years) and now shes forgetting to do things she's said she would and not even replying to my texts to say 'You need to call to make an appointment'. So I feel very abandonned. Very Alone.
I have new scars from 2 nights ago and do not like myself for them at all - thank god for arm warmers and/or those bandages that just look like you have weak wrists - they'll get me through Friday.
So sad, so alone, except for all my friends on here - thank you for listening to me rant about the same topics over and over again, it just feels like nothing will make this pain end.
P.S. am slowly coming off the Valium (like 1/2 of a 1/4 of a tablet every week) and am still having horrid withdrawl - but getting off the nasty drug.
Again *HUGS* to all.
Just wish I didn't feel like there was an empty bleeding black carved out space where my heart used to be.

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Comments from the community:

Hi winterrain,
Sending you hugs & support. Be careful with lowering the dose of Valium, as I stopped 'cold turkey' last year and got through until the 3rd week before the bad withdrawals hit me.
Take Care, Valerie x0x

Written by Deleted_User, 14. Nov 2007 08:55 AM

A,
Take care hun, am thinking of you. Hang in there.
Hugs,
Stace xo

Written by Deleted_User, 14. Nov 2007 10:41 AM

Winterrain

I organise appointments with my psychologist when I see her and sometimes text her. I don't want to bother her too much as she is getting busy with clients. Perhaps it would be a good idea to think of it that way - she/he is busy with other clients, can't get to me straight away, I will call for an appointment.

It is hard to change things if you are used to them but please try it and realise the pscyhologist is human as well and dealing with people's problems and some of their own.

Go Winterrain!!!

Studying1

Written by studying1, 14. Nov 2007 05:10 PM

That's very understandable that you feel abandoned. Whenever my psych doesn't call back or even goes on leave I feel terribly abandoned - I think it is the nature of the relationship. You open your heart and soul to them like you would to a close friend or partner and it is easy to forget that they are not a friend, they are your therapist. Doesn't make it any easier though.

Do something nice for yourself - go and buy some vitamin E liquid/gel capsules or even better just a bottle of vitamin E oil (pure oil, not lotion), get the strongest variety you can. Rub the oil into the cuts/fresh scars morning and night. Last time I went to get stitches I overhead the doctor talking to a patient next door who had split her lip, he told her it would help prevent scarring, or at least make it less noticeable. The next day I went and bought the oil and put it on religiously - it helps on the fresh scars but not the old (8 months-ish) ones. Do it now, so you're not left more damaged than you need to be.

You know what I think you need? I think you need a pet. When I came back from Africa and broke up with my long term boyfriend, grew distant from my friends etc. my Mum bought me a kitten. She's not a kitten anymore, but she is an invaluable source of comfort. Someone that loves me no matter how fucked up I am, someone to comfort me when I cry - unconditional love, it is what you need now. Think about it??

Written by babz, 14. Nov 2007 10:48 PM

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