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Hey Winterrain,

here's a handkerchief for your tears. I have enough of them, as I'm crying myself...

I'm sure your children love you. And you don't suck as a mum. You would act different if you weren't depressed. And you never chose to be depressed. How can you demand from yourself something you can't do because of your anxiety or your fears? Does it make you a bad mum to feel terrible? It is not your mistake – it sucks, but it's not your fault. Be patient with yourself. You deserve it. I'm sure there are ways to show your children that you love them and care for them without doing something you can't do at the moment.

Respect yourself. If you were physically sick and couldn't take care of your children perfectly, would you feel the same? My psych once told me: If you are depressed, think first about yourself. You are not equipped for compassion.

Don't be too hard on yourself, sweethart. It's not that you are a bad person. You're a good person who is dealing with bad things.

Love and hugs,
Luise.

Written by Luise, 1. Nov 2007 10:30 AM

PS: And anyway - how can your psych judge you??? Strange methods. Still the same who told the other stuff?

Written by Luise, 1. Nov 2007 10:32 AM

Well either this is the same psych that did the tripping down the stairs analogy who I personal feel should be dis-credited (whatever the term for losing one's accreditation with the AMA), or it is the other one.

If it is the other one, I have a feeling that you psych didn't actually say that you suck as a mother, she/he probably said something like 'you have issues with motherhood' which you then twisted into them saying you suck as a mother. This isn't meant to sound critical, because I do it ALL the time with my psych, family, friends etc. I am the queen of word twisting. Perhaps it may be a good idea to clarify what he/she actually said?

If it was the psych that should be discredited then it is highly likely that he did say it and you should kick him in the balls (in your mind, not really, an assault charge is the last thing you need).

Trust me, as somehow who grew up without a parent, they will NEVER be better off without you. My mum had depression when I was growing up, and she did the best job that was humanly possible. Humanly possible, however isn't perfect. That didn't mean that she didn't love me though, and that love, as misguided as it may have been sometimes is what your children need from you.

Believe me, if you walk away now, in 15 years they'll be sitting where I am now, in a psychologist's office, crying their eyes out and asking 'Why didn't they love me? What did I do wrong?'

Written by babz, 1. Nov 2007 12:56 PM

Hi winterrain.

How old are your children and how many do you have? Maybe just at the moment you feel like the worst mother going, but that is part of the Depression and its not true... it's a feeling not a reality dont you think?

Sometimes we all feel it would be better if we werent in our kids lives full-time, but again thats not true.
Sometimes maybe we do need a break from all the responsibility and to work on and mend ourselves, but only temporarily.

Our kids needs us the most in their lives, thats what I have experienced anyway. Get rid of this Psyche he/she sounds like either, their not saying it the right way or maybe you are taking what they say the wrong way, either way, maybe you need a Psyche that you can relate to about how you feel as a mother.

Maybe write it all down...Like what is your biggest fear as a mother and what is it that scares you to be alone with your kids? Whats the worst that could possibly happen? Then write down a solution or back-up system, so if it did happen you've got a plan already in place.

You say you're scared of your EX and you wait till he is calmed down before you leave your Daughter with him coz you need to get away. Maybe your little Girl is scared of him too. Is there somewhere or someone else that can look after your children while you take some time out to re-collect your thoughts?

Have you thought that maybe you are also suffering with Anxiety/Panic attacks as this makes us want to run away.
It's called the fight or flight reflex. Maybe go to your GP and let them know about this if you havent already as they will be able to help you.


Perhaps where your mind is concerned and you feel all mixed up and in a huge tangle, like Knots... untangle it bit by bit. Untangle what you can each day and before you know it in a few weeks you'll be thinking a bit clearer. Trying to do it all at once is a huge deal so go slowly like the tortoise and the hare.

I wish you all the best winterrain,

Take Care of You and all else will follow,

(((((hugs))))) xox

Written by Lori, 1. Nov 2007 04:43 PM

Winterrain

Because you don't like the light, it is a migraine.

You don't suck as a mother. You just worry about your kids like any mother does especially if there is an ex around who causes problems. You are not overreacting by giving your daughter contact numbers. I would talk to the psychologist about this because this is an awlful thing to be told. Report them if necessary - they have no right to make such a comment.

Go Winterrain!!!

Studying1

Written by studying1, 1. Nov 2007 04:52 PM

I don't think you suck as a Mum at all. I think you love your children very much. You've just got some difficulties that you're trying very hard to overcome. The most important thing is that you love your children.

Sending you love and warmth and self belief.

Kimberly
xoxo

Written by Wolveress, 1. Nov 2007 06:33 PM