An Ending
A page in the diary "Steve the Diary"
Written by winterrain 16. Oct 2007 03:20 AM
Well the frog (as Babz so aptly put it) is currently in London with his ex froglet - maybe she's his 'one' - kind of good in a way to know that he's with someone - the worst has happened - he's over me, moved on with so much bloody ease it hurts - but it's an ending. I just want my year back now. He screwed up everything in it - my going to Drama school, where I got my new flat, the new flat itself, the waiting for him and waiting for him then the heartbreak over the baby then him....he's eaten a year of my life - I want to move from here to a place that is just mine - no memories, study acting like I planned, study counselling, be with someone who loves me and will look after me, even if this means moving away from my kids and only seeing them on weekends and in holidays I think thats better for them than a mum who can't leave the house for fear of reminders of being so hurt and damaged, who feels like she can't accomplish anything ever - as long as they still know I love them and am there for them and I can help them with their homework on the phone or via internet camera - as long as that was only for a year, I think it'd be do-able.
positives for today - as diary dictated - found out about the toad - he's not a frog he's a big warty toad - not even a hallucinagenic one.
- Saw my psychiatrist and we're starting to deal with things I believe about myself but which are fundamentally untrue (apparently) such as Im always wrong, I can't do anything right, I'm unloveable.
PS - does anyone know if its legal for a real estate agent to take photos during a property inspection? I failed my first rental inspection on grounds of it being too untidy - it was clean, but the bench had plates on it from luch, I had a clothes horse up drying clothes and my bed wasn't made - apparently this is disgracefully untidy....