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A page in the diary "AMBIVALENCE"
Written by cherry1 24. Nov 2007 02:35 AM

Do you know how hard it is to Stop!...To Stop someone else doing something that you know is harmful to you and them? Im learning and trying very,very, hard to Stop being so controlling and managing of someone elses life that I feel is damaging to both our lives and it's so Damn hard. I think those of you that are close to me know what Im talking about.

There are two ways I can go with this:

1. let go and let God and make some changes within myself to deal with this issue. Stop! with the questions, the worrying, the anxiety/panic, the insecurity, the abandonment, the rejection.

OR

2. Give it a big miss and move out and on with my own life.

The second one sounds sooo much easier doesnt it?

I have been thinking about this whole situation and one thing I've come to realise is that I am trying to control my Partner regarding his drinking and I've come to realise... hey! it aint upto me! I can plead and beg and threaten and Leave and nothing has worked so far, because the only person that has the power and control over him is HIM.

A very good friend of mine who has been with me throughout this whole process asked me to do this one thing.
She asked me could I try for her, to not question my Partner about anything for the next week? Geez I said I'll try, but it's going to be very, very, hard for me.

You see she doesnt want us to break up and she believes we can both work things out. She loves me to bits and she also, although she is angry with my Partner for all what he's put me thru, she kinda likes him and says he's not all bad and she thinks he uses drink to cover up deep hurts from the past, maybe from his childhood.

I agreed to try and so that is my goal and aim for the next week. And I know its going to be the biggest challenge of my life. To stop Questioning and Analysing...real tough one for me.

Haveagoodweekend everyone out there

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Comments from the community:

Hey cherry

All i can say is that part of coping is for the person to admit he/she has a problem, untill that time or when they have to hit rock bottom, they live in denial, and its everyone else has the problem. Sad but true, i know from experience.

All you can do is be there, if you chose to, or you make another decison.

Its not an easy position for you to be in, but there are no real answers.
(((((HUGZZ)))))

Written by Deleted_User, 24. Nov 2007 08:08 AM

Hi cherry

I think you need to do 2 and then 1. Make your own life and let things happen as they will from there.

It gets to the point that fighting with or for someone tires you out and wears you down. Don't let it break you.

Love to you and Christian

Jenny

Written by Deleted_User, 24. Nov 2007 09:02 AM

Dearest Lori,
God will help you...if I were you then I would go '1' first...then if you find it is impossible to cope move onto '2'
Just my opinion after our chat last night.
Sending you love & support,
Valerie x0x

Written by Deleted_User, 24. Nov 2007 11:41 AM

Lori

Do try the test your dear friend has asked you to do this week. It will be hard but I am sure you can do it. I'm with nanaval with regards to the options to take. You need money and to get that, the house would have to be sold so you both get a share of what is left after the loan is paid out.

Go Lori!!!

Studying1

Written by studying1, 24. Nov 2007 05:01 PM