Learning
A page in the diary "AMBIVALENCE"
Written by cherry1 24. Nov 2007 02:35 AM
Do you know how hard it is to Stop!...To Stop someone else doing something that you know is harmful to you and them? Im learning and trying very,very, hard to Stop being so controlling and managing of someone elses life that I feel is damaging to both our lives and it's so Damn hard. I think those of you that are close to me know what Im talking about.
There are two ways I can go with this:
1. let go and let God and make some changes within myself to deal with this issue. Stop! with the questions, the worrying, the anxiety/panic, the insecurity, the abandonment, the rejection.
OR
2. Give it a big miss and move out and on with my own life.
The second one sounds sooo much easier doesnt it?
I have been thinking about this whole situation and one thing I've come to realise is that I am trying to control my Partner regarding his drinking and I've come to realise... hey! it aint upto me! I can plead and beg and threaten and Leave and nothing has worked so far, because the only person that has the power and control over him is HIM.
A very good friend of mine who has been with me throughout this whole process asked me to do this one thing.
She asked me could I try for her, to not question my Partner about anything for the next week? Geez I said I'll try, but it's going to be very, very, hard for me.
You see she doesnt want us to break up and she believes we can both work things out. She loves me to bits and she also, although she is angry with my Partner for all what he's put me thru, she kinda likes him and says he's not all bad and she thinks he uses drink to cover up deep hurts from the past, maybe from his childhood.
I agreed to try and so that is my goal and aim for the next week. And I know its going to be the biggest challenge of my life. To stop Questioning and Analysing...real tough one for me.
Haveagoodweekend everyone out there