f 2day
A page in the diary ""
Written by zombieluv 7. May 2008 08:09 PM
ughhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhjiogtrfqfjqsfjklcnhl
i feel like the shittest i have ever felt i have a chest infection fever ive had three hours sleep since sunday night i just screamed obnoxiously at my family and cried like a psycho and to top it all off i havent taken my zoloft for a few days because i keep forgetting to go to the f***ing chemist and i realise now when its like 6pm and theres nothing i can do about it because i live in **** **** **** nowhere. rjksdjksdnksml; ,.
nothing is working everything i do i injure myself it is soooooo god damn frustrating. i fell asleep at 330 this morning and woke up at 350 HAHAHAHAHAHa very funny brain. then i read a book about black holes which changed my life again. what a shit day. if i dont fall asleep tonight i might lose my mind theres no sleeping pills in the house there is nothing i can do.
ummmm aside from all that. i have it completely figured out it has taken me this long to decide what career path to take and there is nothing but astrophysics for me. there is no other field worth working in astronomy is the field of everything and i have been seriously bitten by the scientist bug and i cannot wait to devote my life to it. staring reality in the face day in day out. so refreshing. i really dont know how people choose their degrees at the age of 18. i was too busy having my early mid life crisis for the last four years to study. but due to this grand cosmological freakout i have spent the last four years searching for answers taking little astronomy courses reading and watching everything i could get my hands on. i used to think physics was scary and for super smart people but the average person has the capacity to understand it even excell at it with a little patience and imagination.
its a shame i didnt feel this way at high school.... but its never too late is it?
but now here i am i feel ready to study and study and study. its all i do anyway. id like to say im not doing it because i get a kick out of proving people wrong but i am. if i dont see some kind of change in my lifetime... i dont know. i cant picture anything else now but to join the ranks of other physicists and scientists in their quest for an answer. thats what scientists do... devote their lives to uncovering the truth.
conventional study suffocated me and i hate to think of all the kids getting pushed aside and lost in the crowd at their schools. science at school was made as exciting as cutting up a dead toad. literally. why is that science. it isnt. anyway im just ranting now to take my attention away from this shitty day im going to watch big brother and go to bed.