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Written by zombieluv 9. Apr 2008 06:16 PM
ok this is an entry i did the other day but forgot to post.
Today i popped into the doctors to get a shot, and while I was there I asked why I hadn’t got an appointment with the psych yet. ive been waiting since 28th of feb to receive a call anyway apparently I was supposed to call them. Hes only here ONCE A MONTH and he was here today. My gp refuses to alter my meds and rightfully so because he is clueless. In the meantime im just keeping an eye on my moods because I desperately need some help there. Also the receptionist thought it might be a great idea to do a mental health care plan for me. Its only taken her two years. She thought id already done one because I was seeing a youth counsellor but that woman was a waste of space and didn’t counsel me on anything.
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so today i call the outreach center, yes this is a psychiatrist who comes to a town nearby (once a month) as part of the community outreach program, it will cost me $300 and its on june 3. seems all a bit pointless. i dont know. i hate that im going to wait like 6 months and go in there and find out after two minutes its not gonna work out. anyway hopefully ill do this mental health care plan and see a psychologist. but i dont know what to do about my medication in the meantime???? ill have to find another gp. since i owe money everywhere because i refuse to pay if im not happy with the appointment then its getting hard.
this is why i dont bother trying to get help because its just one bull phone call after another. its one more pointless doctors appointment after another. its me sitting there screaming for help and people nodding their heads and telling me ive got it all wrong. and this is what i need help with not that. im starting to think im above all this shit and these people will never grasp an iota of what im trying to say to them. why do i have to be held 100% respnsible for this????? why is it up to me to sort this all out and make sure im doing the best to treat whatever the my problem is? it cant be me. ive seen probably twenty or so doctors and i still dont feel like any of them really gave a shit. shrinks always talk about themselves, or endless droning conversations about what kind of career i could have and what they did when they were younger and all kinds of lovely anecdotes. gp's seem to have their own language which mostly consists of grunting and mumbling. gah. i am angry today! i keep clenching my jaw all the time and my mouth is so sore. another stress thing.
i shouldnt whinge. i really shouldnt. its a terrible indulgence. its been a long week already. my aunty found out last thursday she has cancers, so she had surgery the other day, but they think she'll be ok. its just very sad. she seemed to be at a really great part of her life. i saw her recently and i could see it all over her face how happy she is. but i suppose she'll just get through it and hopefully live to be a very old old woman because i need her to be around if i have kids.
ive always said i dont want kids. now i keep thinking about it. must be some hormonal thing kicking in. babies are cute. toddlers are a lot of work though. okay yep i dont want kids. well, id be happy to adopt if i was financially able to.
anyway. im crapping on. i havent spoken to anyone else today. i have to get away from the computer as my eyes are stinging. hope all is well in depnet land.