the last two weeks
A page in the diary ""
Written by zombieluv 31. Mar 2008 11:29 PM
two weeks ago i was waving goodbye to a mate of mine as they drove off my property. id just had one of the greatest weeks of my life and was feeling pretty on top of things. i organised a trip overseas, i was gonna get a job and drive. instead its like i walked inside and shut my door and havent really some out yet.
my mind would not shut off for so long. i was going insane, talking to myself in my head really quickly, asking questions and thinking about shit in a weird way. like in a mechanical molecular way. i was awake til 5am just sitting here fucking thinking and reading about shit for like a week. i have been sleeping until 2pm every day. i am not feeling very comfortable with this lifestyle. it tends to make me irritable and pale and i am cutting myself off from people because i just want to be left here with my universe. i dont want to have to pretend that all of the petty crap that happens in my life actually matters to me. its all got nothing on my cosmological issues.
blah. i feel quite ill. i think panic attacks are starting again. last night i was having palpitations and now i feel dizzy. too much caffeine! although im happy to report i havent had a drink for two weeks... i plan to never have on again. i was a binge drinker since the age of 15! christ its a wonder im not dead.
i feel very good.
still smoking a heck of a lot though. thats next. cigarettes are so fricken evil and i hate myself for supporting such vile business. then again, all companies are like that nowadays.
night.