shiny happy fits of rage
A page in the diary ""
Written by zombieluv 19. Feb 2008 06:27 PM
oh man. i feel so strange. i cant speak to people any more! i havent spoken to my BEST FRIEND for like a month. but i guess there's a reason. i call people because i feel like i should and its like i have absolutely nothing to say. i do nothing to talk about. and its horrible because i love my friends, i miss them so much all day long, and i want a way to keep in touch with them but phone calls are always so uncomfortable. why? i dont get it, its just gotten so strange. i suppose i couldnt just move away for two years and have everything stay the same. i suppose i should put in some fricken effort. i might make some little parcels and post them. i like making mix cd's for people and sending them little parcels with music and biscuits and photos and a book and some sort of stupid toy or something that would be amusing for a few minutes.
BUT i do feel different. i feel very comfortable with myself for some reason. i think im getting to the bottom of this whole 'who the fuck am i?' dilemma ive had going on for a few years now. so i am neurotic, i am different, im not conventional and im quite dysfunctional. ok. i think ive emphasised the point. so all those things i am, or am perceived to be, or am under some delusion that i am, whatever the origin, ive decided to own it. to not be afraid of it. ill dress weirdly and be comfortable instead of dressing like a square and feeling really out of the blue and uncomfortable around everyone else who looks the same as me. which is an awfully weird feeling because i fit in, but it feels not much like me. so. yeah. what the hell am i thinking about this shit for?
i really cant wait to watch brat camp and parliament question time tonight. i love it when there's something great on tv. it's something to look forward to.
shit! it's 6pm. i slept in today. til 1pm. i went out to do work and i could barely move. i just have no energy. i know. i must take my iron pills. yes. i keep forgetting to actually take the pill because im too effing busy thinking about it. @#@&^$!
gosh! i cant believe how quickly this year is going already. its scary. time just keeps picking up speed. not literally. but. yeah.
i was watching this thing about time travel and it was interesting. it's like entirely possible. and i wonder if i'd do it. if i could, like leave this behind and jump a thousand years ahead. what a decision to make. hmmm. i don't think i'd say no. but i wait til i was a little older. say, half my life here and the other half in the future. or, it's not really the future, i guess, i dont know. like einstein says, it's all relative. or something.
its time for me to go and cook dinner. im going to make tofu stir fry! first im going to have a whole load of caffeine so i can concentrate. because clearly im having trouble :)