battle
A page in the diary ""
Written by zombieluv 14. Jan 2008 01:09 AM
I just wanted to write out a few of my thoughts. I seem to have a lot of them tonight.
Today I started reading The Little Prince. I know it's a childrens book, but I love it already. For a book that was written fifty years before I was born, it's strangely refreshing. I've never encountered this style of writing and it's like a song.
I'm tired. Only a few hours sleep since Thursday. This is contributing to my mood of confusion.
I keep thinking. And thinking. And I can't understand how we do it. I don't get how we can go through life, and all we know is what is in our heads. Our realities are shaped by and exist only for ourselves. The world and it's inhabitants are unknowable.
It's like... everything around me never matches my minds eye. Sometimes it's disappointing, sometimes it's brilliantly surprising. But I suppose that's what it's about. Making a move and hoping that something shimmers back at you. Not caring what is real, just striving for the feeling you will get from whatever you feel is real. But somehow that logic leaves me feeling empty.
14 days ago my world changed. The year clicked over and I was thrown out into reality. The world that existed in my head was proven faulty. All wrong. Everything I knew, and felt, and still feel, it was worthless. And I knew it. But I kept building anyway, hoping that maybe if I tried hard enough I could keep my world, and I could survive in reality, and the two would never have to meet. But they collided head-on. All I could do was stand there and watch. I think I'm still in shock, because when I choose to face this, when denying it becomes too corrosive, I'm in for the long haul. I have to reshape everything.
I have a feeling all of that made little sense. I need sleep now.