transatlanticism
A page in the diary ""
Written by zombieluv 10. Dec 2007 08:19 PM
i never want to forget the sight im looking at right now. its so surrreal. the lighting outside is really unique, and the green of the trees and grass has become so vivid against the background of dark clouds, but it's all perfectly tuned together by the dark, wet, brown trunks of the trees.
still home alone. still unsure of myself. i dont know if ill ever be able to handle this, living alone. mostly its ok, but sometimes i get so overwhelmed, i just cant cope. its so stupid. there's like 600 things that need doing, my brother is asking me the same stupid question fifty times (that is no exaggeration) and nothing is ever just done. there's no relaxing. when one end of the house is clean and organised, it's time to start again.
i mean, if it was just me, then id love it. the thing that disagrees with me is noise. demands. the feeling of being trapped. the idea of having to do something. it doesn't sit well. the fricking dog is just sitting there yelping at me and i have no idea what to do with her. and it's not timid little yelps, it's loud, grating, right in the core of my brain loud. all because i was retarded enough to turn the pet food fridge off, and all their food went warm, so i had to cook it, and they don't like it, and i have no car, no money, no way to get her anything. i mean, there's biscuits, but try telling her that.
today was ok though, i got out and did some mowing. i still have about two acres left to finish. it was the middle of the day, the sun was scorching me, and i was sweating like crazy. and at the time i felt really good.
anyway, ive been watching dexter a lot. i relate to him in too many ways for it to be ok. i just cant wait to find out who the ice cream truck killer is. its killing me. haha.
now its dark outside. i have so much to do tonight.