mute memories
A page in the diary ""
Written by zombieluv 22. Nov 2007 02:27 AM
i really need to be asleep right now. i have a full day tomorrow. theres things that need doing. insomnia has set in for a while, so that throws a monkey wrench in the works, or whatever that saying is. i felt bad all day, i cant keep my eyes open, but i dont sleep. then 10pm rolls around and im wide awake. im so productive though, i wish life didn't stop at night. id get so much done. but since im confined to my room while everyone else sleeps, i just have to do other things. like read a lot. tonight i read a story, i learnt a new song on my guitar, i watched the latest episode of the hills. gah. i even took some painkillers hoping it would put me to sleep, but it just made me feel........ euphoric. so it wasnt a total loss.
i dont know. maybe ill go lie down and try counting sheep. except there's nothing more frustrating than lying in bed and not feeling sleepy.
other than all that nonsense, been reasonably well the last few days. considering all that alcohol i drank, i feel great. usually i feel really depressed after drinking. i dont know... its just, what i do. its what we do. its like this secret world we can be ourselves in, we can cross lines, we can say how we really feel, because it's safe. because the next day we can blame it on alcohol, and not have to face it. but we cant bring that world into reality, or just our everyday life, cos its too much. so, every feeling, every thought and truth has to be slurred and said in a way that neither of us will really remember exactly what tone we used, or what we meant. god. talk about denial. talk about angst.
anyway, after that boring rant i am kind of tired.