if you find me, hide me i dont know where ive been
A page in the diary ""
Written by zombieluv 25. Oct 2007 05:12 PM
its another one of those days. locked in my bedroom. have a headache. cant handle other people.
i should stop listening to elliott smith. his live show at henry fonda theatre a few months before he killed himself is very sad. but beautiful at the same time. i wish he was still alive. some people think he was murdered, but i dont know, he speaks about suicide a bit, if he was murdered, it probably wouldn't have been long before he killed himself anyway.
im scared that im using thought to not participate in life. i was talking to a friend of mine yesterday about some people we know, and how they are approaching their thirties and they are still the same people they were five years ago. all they do is get high, they stay the same people. i dont get that. i change every day. every day i evolve a little bit more into the person i want to be, not that i think this will be a finite process, i think that we have the oppurrtunity to keep growing every second, i dont know how people can stand to be stuck in the same mindset, caring about the same few things, not asking questions.
yesterday was full on. i managed to clean 80% of the house, i couldnt touch the kitchen.
i dont know how im going to get out of here. i want to meet new people. i need somebody on my wavelength, to talk to, to share ideas. im becoming this misanthrope self absorbed loner. im alone in this private hell, i cant talk to anybody about what confuses me and makes me depressed. not even here. i did once before, years ago, i got attacked for it. im so thankful for the two people i have managed to find, or they found me. even though we are only email friends, its still nice to know there are other people like me. lost. confused. but not really in regards to ourselves.
anyway, i dont know what im saying.