slow-mo
A page in the diary ""
Written by zombieluv 19. Oct 2007 09:04 PM
last night i was feeling kind of sick, ive lost my appetite lately and it makes me kind of dizzy when i dont eat. anyway, the neighbours had a bonfire so i had some beers. then some more beers. i cant seem to stop myself when i drink, i feel like i should always have a beer in my hand and i drink like its water. thankfully i felt okay today, but i was disappointed that i even drank in the first place.
my brother is away at camp, so its very peaceful right now. its hard to switch off from though, his presence in the house is so intense and sometimes it winds me up so much i can never relax. i shoudnt let it get to me, i try not to hold it against him, its not his fault, but sometimes i do resent him and the restrictions his condition have forced onto my life. i dont know what i would do if something happened to my mother, i would be the only person left that he trusted to even talk to.
i had a good chat with my aunty about the gene thing. she's had breast cancer twice, she sort of put my mind at ease. she is kind of incredible, she has been having blood transfusions for eight years, and the average life expectancy for someone relying on transfusions is five years, and now she hasnt had blood for months because her body has started producing blood properly again. weird.
my friend called me today. we spoke about nothing for fifty minutes. it was really good. we've been having hour long phone conversations every few days for eleven years. her son is turning two soon, im going to buy him some new pyjamas. i love shopping for kids clothes. its so cute. her daughter who is four has an operation next week. i think this'll be her fourth or fifth. the poor kid. i feel a strong bond with her, i used to live with them about two years ago, and she is the most incredible little kid. so clever and funny. just thinking of her makes me smile. i always get nervous about her operations because i can no longer be there with them to know whats going on first hand and buy her a teddy bear. perhaps ill send her something.
so obviously its been a boring day. im going to go and buy some chocolate mousse soon, thats all i feel like eating. isnt that terrible of me. i hope theres something interesting on television. i looked around for somewhere with karaoke on tonight, but couldnt find any. i love watching karaoke, drunk people are funny.