something so good
A page in the diary ""
Written by zombieluv 5. Nov 2008 12:11 PM
i'm in the middle of re-organising my house. im up to the kitchen. i've realised there is enough linen and kitchenware in here to cater for about 20 people. my mother is a shocking hoarder.
it's messy and i'm doing everything arbitrarily and am not using the organiser i was given. but hopefully ill just do things as i get to them and they'll be done and it won't have made much difference how many lists i wrote or inventories i took.
um, so yeah, still adjusting to life with a.d.d. i've realised how badly it has affected me. everything i did was a coping mechanism. i'm hidden here away from the world because i'm sick of letting people down. and i still manage to do it. i'm so tired of feeling overwhelmed by tiny things. so i just want to do it. i recognise why i feel like this now and can start to rise above it and ignore my brain telling me things are too boring and too much effort, becuase they aren't. well yes they are boring but effort just takes motivation and my motivation is living a life that doesn't involve clutter and cleaning every day for another three years.
my girlfriend is surprisingly understanding of everything. we've been together two months and she is nothing but positive. it's made a big change in me. until her everyone i met was just condescending and passive aggressive. and that kind of attitude from others zaps the life out of me. it took me a while to get used to the idea of not being single, but we don't spend every day together and have periods of 3-4 days away from eachother and i think that makes a huge difference. i can't give up my autonomy completely. i like to just think about her and miss her. and i seem to be doing that a lot. i really never thought i could do this again. but here i am. terrified but happy. god she's cute as a button.
i'm really upset with myself for flaking out on my studies. i hope next year i pick it up but it just so sounds like something i'd say. 'i'll knuckle down next year!' like what am i doing now? nothing! i could be studying now but i just can't. there's pots and pans that need to leave the premises.
anyway, feeling very happy about today, go obama. i'm not that fond of him, has the same stench as kevin rudd but geez nobody can do worse than george w can they? guess we'll know if sarah palin ever becomes president.