hmmm
A page in the diary ""
Written by zombieluv 28. Sep 2008 02:02 PM
been a while i guess i have been a little busy but not really doing anything.
im kind of up and down and god i feel selfish about this but i cant help it.
i just got into my first relationship and i have no idea what i am doing. some days i am happy and others i feel nothing. i feel like i could just walk away. and it is not real i know i want this but sometimes i just dont see the point. i guess i am scared that this feeling will eventually overwhelm me and i will end it and i will hurt her and it will be my fault. i explained add and depression and im thinking about going off zoloft. i remember this feeling of apathy and becoming a total zombie and id rather have a rollercoaster of emotions than this nothingness.
or maybe i just think i dont deserve someone so nice. she is too kind to me. she is kind of perfect. i think it scares me how much she likes me, because i think she hasn't seen the half of it, what will it do to her when i ignore her and don't feel like seeing her, how personally will she take it.
i have resolved nothing re add i am just floating through the days weeks months putting everything off and daydreaming. i have been meaning to make an appointment to see my therapist for over a month now i just keep forgetting and getting distracted. it would take two minutes to make that phone call. ignoring all my friends and family. the add medication is extremely helpful when it comes to the little things like housework and study. i wish it could help me pay attention and care about the people in my life. eh.