Oh bugger
A page in the diary "One instant at a time"
Written by psyche 9. Jul 2007 11:30 PM
Ok, what went right today....I actually went and saw my psychologist and got to some of the issues below my depression and anxiety - FINALLY - no crisis to talk about and I went in there just feeling so sad for no reason then it all came pouring out, about how I feel like I've lost my little boy because he'd rather be with his dad and says he doesn't miss me, then one level deeper with when I first had him ripped away from me, when he was 4 months old and I was sent to hospital with gastro for 4 days without him. Up until this point I hadn't had a moment away from him, he slept in my bed, for the first time I felt like a Mum, I was doing something good and well and I mattered to someone, my little baby. Then because of illness all that got ripped away and I never got it back. I lost my little boy and I lost me. Even when he and I were in the mother and baby unit two weeks after I was sick they kept prying us apart, made him sleep in a cot, made me do controlled crying when all I wanted to do was be with him.
No wonder I'm so scared of illness - I get sick or my kids get sick, I'm going to get irreprably and agonisingly hurt.
It's more complex than that but thats the gist.
other positives - I'm eating more 'normally'
I'm dropping down to 2 1/4 valium
I posted off my last essay for a Uni subject I hated
there, thats all, head painful.
((((((all)))))