Supposedly positive experiences of the past
A page in the diary "One instant at a time"
Written by psyche 15. Jun 2007 11:53 PM
Hello all - Back again and more messed up than ever - I've moved house, and am finding that so lonely and hard - just having to do EVERYTHING where before I had my ex to do stuff - even though he was abusive, he'd do the shopping and the dishes etc, and now I have to do it all and it freaks me out. Panic attacks mid supermarket, panic attacks taking out the rubbish, I'm pathetic as a parent... it just goes on and on, add to that the fact that the man I love (not my ex) leaves for three months away on Monday and I'm collapsing in a small damp weeping heap. Just want to scream SOMEBODY HELP!!!!. Then I finally make it back onto depnet and there is this task waiting for me. Look back at the past, a time when you were happy, and I can't remember a time when I was happy - little glimpses when my babies were born, little glimpses when I'm with TMIL (The man I love) but basically no time I can remember when I haven't been depressed or anxious or both - how pathetic that that is my life - just a series of depressed anxious moments punctuated by total breakdowns and periods of self harm and highlighted by an eating disorder. There MUST be more than this? Is there?