what does this mean...????
A page in the diary "One instant at a time"
Written by psyche 4. Jun 2007 11:06 PM
Hi anyone,
I've been feeling sad, scared, paniced, self harming, like I'm stuck in a black tunnel with no way out, totally terrified, lonely and alone for the last 16 years of my life, sure it goes up and down but it never goes away, it never gets better. I read all these entries about recovery and I wonder when mine is going to come? How do I make it happen? I see a psychologist every week, I take 75mg of effexor (even 450 mg did nothing), take 15mg valium at night because I'm addicted, it doesn't even do anything anymore, I can't sleep till 3am most nights, I'm on nexium because I have stomach ulcers because I'm so stressed all the time - So when is this recovery going to happen? When am I going to be together and normal? Do I need a different medication? would that make it easier? When do people recover? When does this get better - better enough for me to function like a normal human being? Not asking for much, just being able to get up before 8, take my kids to school, study during the day, pick them up from school, cook them dinner and put them to bed, or take them out on a saturday. I want friends and have none and don't know why anyone would want to be my friend anyway.
Oh, and because my lan is telling me to - the one thing I am doing to take care of myself, is moving away from my psychologically abusive husband. Don't know how it'll work with the kids though. Sigh.
A