Two days until I go to spain
A page in the diary "Good mourning!"
Written by Luise 24. Jan 2008 08:36 PM
Hi diary and everybody out there,
just want to say hello. I'm still alive, working like a horse to pack my stuff for the move. I am so tired, a night's sleep doesn't help anything, I would need 12 hours of sleep for some days. I would need some time for myself, but there is no time, as I still have sooooo much to do that the time left is not enough.
There is so much to tell and so little. I am not feeling perfectly good, but although it is exhausting, all the work keeps me going. I'm simply too busy to think about depression.
I feel a bit alone as most of my friends don't help me. My former best friend, the one with the baby, is too occupied and to unconcerned anyway. Another friend of mine withdrawed from me with the reason she was afraid of missing me when I'm away.
But there are good people also: My neighbours invited me for a "good-bye"-tea, as they are on holidays now. Another friend cancelled a course to help me pack. Other neighbour helped me carry book boxes and invited me for lunch.
There are some people who are already planning to visit me. I will see friends in March and April. Another neighbour will be in Portugal for some months and invited me to visit him.
My mother calls me every day and encourages me. My father does my taxes and does everything to keep the money I have to pay small.
My friend Renate from northern germany will come with her truck and pick me up and will stay with me in spain for some days.
Bernard, my old love affair from france, is expecting us for saturday night in their guest room. He already called to ask what we want for dinner. His house is almost exactly in the middle of the way from here to Valencia/Spain.
The veterinary allayed my doubts about moving with my cat. He gave me some "animal valium" to calm the cat down if necessary, and sold me an old and dusty but big transport case for the cat in which I will prepare him a comfortable bed. Hopefully the cat will sleep for most of the trip.
I even have found a subtenant for my apartment in germany. He is a friendly person, although a bit strange. I call him the "philosopher" as he has studied philosophy and has his own thoughts about things going on in this world...
Guess what - he is just coming from a relationship as difficult as the one with my canadian. It's funny – we talked about that relationship stuff and hearing him talking about his ex-girlfriend, a sufferer from BPD, I realized how much I had forgiven my canadian, and how much I am in peace with him and with what happened. I am not angry. I don't want him back. I know I can't turn back time. But I am still happy to have met him, and the intensive time we lived together will always be one of my most precious memories.
That's it for the moment. I have to start the packing business. I am expecting an antiquarian to buy some of my old books in some minutes.
Some minutes ago my "former best friend with the baby" rang and came up to my apartment and wanted to have a coffee with me. After using the toilet she realized she made a mistake with time and they had to go immediately because another person is waiting. Her child started crying. He wanted to stay here and continue watching the funny white cat hidden under the sofa, but they had to go. I also was a bit disappointed. Sometimes I find her egoistic. She never has time. She visits me, but she always looks at the clock because time is short and there is somebody else waiting. With her I feel as if the wish to spent time with a friend is unhumble. As if I could not bear it to be alone. As if I am the only person who NEEDS our friendship.
(Of yourse I could think positively and say: Well, at least she had the IDEA of visiting me. But hey, she could also have had the idea of looking at her watch and TAKING some time for me – the friend who will be away soon.)
Love,
Luise.