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Comments from the community:

i wont kick your arse, nor will i ever slap a face
but i do urge you to see and find the good in what is happening for you at present
be happy....its a rare treasure i only wish i could find for myself
rejoice in happiness, and enjoy the ride

Written by Alan5, 4. Dec 2007 10:35 AM

I suffer this too. I am careful who I tell good news to, and only tell genuine people because other's punishing reaction or rather total lack of reaction is not supportive. One foot in front of the other Stefka. Some people too fear it when a depressed person steps out and does something new, so they just don't react normally. They have seen and heard unhappy for so long, that they can't believe happy for us is what it is I think...not understanding we don't quite believe it ourselves when things change and so we need validation...It's a bugger, but you'll be free of that soon and on your way.
Allthe best.

Written by Deleted_User, 4. Dec 2007 01:04 PM

Me too honey - it's like if you do anything good for yourself then they feel bad, because it means change and some people can't cope with that.
You will rediscover this joy, just keep persuing it, try to approach Spain with eyes wide open wonder (I'm so proud of you for getting the job by the way)
HUGS
A

Written by winterrain, 4. Dec 2007 03:00 PM

dont stress hun, will answer u tomorow in detail, cant tonight, too upset sorry, but just hang tight for me til tomorrow oaky

Written by Deleted_User, 4. Dec 2007 09:13 PM

Luise

I'm with Alan on this one. You need to work out why you are acting/thinking this way and why you are not telling all your friends - mind you I do the same thing - like with the wedding, only those in the bridal party know about it and obviously Queen Bee and dad. Everyone else will know via an invitation.

Look at this new opportunity as a chance to grow and learn about yourself and as Ayla says, one small step at a time.

Go Luise!!!

Studying1

Written by studying1, 4. Dec 2007 09:58 PM

Hey you,
been forever since Ive left a comment on one of your posts but this one I just couldnt resist! Sorry hun but Im also not going to give you a kick up the arse... even though you know how much I just luuuuuuuurve doing that to people! I will however laugh my fuckin arse off hahahahahahahahahaha

Oh man you sure cracked me up with this post, albeit in a very ironic way, but Im willing to bet thats certainly NOT the answer you were expecting from anyone, least of all me...

Okay sweets, time for some infamous psychobabble bullshit..... (though in all honesty you have answered this for yourself, you just dont realise it...)

Your concerns as expressed in this post are:

1) You feel guilty about the prospect of your new job.
2) Your afraid of telling any of your friends about the job.
3) You have a bad conscience about abandoning them.
4) You believe you are leaving your family and friends alone.
5) You believe you are egotistic for going your own way.
7) You feel guilty about doing something that will make you truly happy.
8) You believe its stupid that you cant feel the happiness.
9) You dont believe people are happy for you.
10) You EXPECT people to be mad at your decision.
11) You EXPECT people to be jealous.
12) You believe there are many who hide their sadness about you leaving.
13) This in turn makes you feel sad and guilty.
14) You have felt abandoned many times.
15) You feel left behind by those who you cared for.
16) You feel stupid and sad.


Your positives as expressed in this post are:

1) The people you believe will be happy for you are...
: Your past lover Bernard whom you idolise.
: Bernard's parents.
: Your friend Julia.
: Your friend Susan.
: People who know how much you have suffered this past year.
2) You need the change that the move will bring.
3) It is better for all of you when your far away, but happy, instead of being close, but depressed.... (questionable positive...)


for every positive you listed there are FIVE negatives to out weigh it.... and you seriously wonder why you feel sad??????????????? Simple mathematics my dear...


And then we get to your PS.....

"PS: Just a thought...I'm wondering if I have unlearned to be happy for myself. I have spent much time with people who were unable to be glad. It seemed almost indecent to be happy...

... Like for example, long time ago I had a boyfriend who didn't like christmas and birthdays. But I do like christmas...

... Or my canadian – I was in Canada and for me everything was exciting and new and great, but he just closed the curtains and said: There's nothing to look at. It's all boring....


You asked if you have unlearned how to be happy....

I think you have spent sooooooo much of your time focusing on other people and THEIR wants and needs, that you've simply forgotten HOW to do anything for yourself. Its such a foreign concept to you to put your own needs first that you've physically forgotten how, the mere THOUGHT of it is enough to send you into a whirlwind of self-doubt and guilt.



You write.....

..."I used to be like a child, easy to amaze and easy to delight. I always found something in life that is worth to be happy about. Now it seems to be hot not to be too happy. Life is hard, isn't it? Wouldn't it be immodest to admit that I find life pretty comfortable and fun?


Seems to me like you already know the answer yourself hun, so see thats what I found sooooooo damn ironic, you dont need a kick up the arse... just someone to sift through all the confusion and fear in this post and to put into some kind of logical order for you so everything stands out like dogs balls for you, just like it did to me immediately I read it.....

Think its about time you started putting YOU first, if you do what makes YOU happy then it stands to reason you may actually be able to EXPERIENCE happiness!!!!!!!!!

mmmmmmmmmmmmwa
Gyps
xxx

Written by Deleted_User, 5. Dec 2007 10:17 PM

Hey gyps,

thank you soooooooooooo much for not kicking my arse!!!!!!

Thank you for your comment – not sure if it helps as I actually KNOW all this, it is just sooooooooooooo hard to FEEL and BELIEVE it! I'm doing my best to forget about Canada (who is, by the way, not Bernard, Bernard is a sixty-year-old man who truly loves me – unfortunately I don't love him enough to have more than a love affair with thim – but he knows it, I am honest about this) and make the steps I have to make to prepare my new life.

I booked a flight and a bed in a hostel yesterday to spent the week before christmas in spain to find an apartment and request some documents I need to start my job. This will be MY time!

I will think about your comment. At least you have brought some order and clearness into my thoughts. I know that a lot of my thoughts are negative, that's why I feel so bad. It's all the depression that makes my thoughts sooooo unlogical. If I were well, I would not have to think about all these stuff, I would just live. The stupid thing is that it is soooooo difficult to BELIEVE in a logical thought when my depressive head tells me that things are sooo difficult and bad and sad. But I will do my best to convince myself. Big promise.

Luise.

Written by Luise, 5. Dec 2007 10:39 PM