Just for today
A page in the diary "Good mourning!"
Written by Luise 22. Jul 2007 11:08 AM
Hi diary and everybody out there,
just for today, just for the last two hours I have not been feeling depressed. I have been at the movies with a friend, watching "Perfume", and I started to realize all the smells around me:
Freshly laundered clothes, wet grass, rain water on wood, pipe tobacco, flowers, soil, dog's poo, beer, barbecue - and then I realized the noises:
People whispering, someone lighting his cigarette, the clangor of beer glasses, a dog barking, crickets, voices from far away, the music of the movie, a gentle sizzling noise.
The world has retrieved it's colours.
I have a life. I have loved and have been loved. I have been loved by someone who told himself he would never love again - and I have been the surprising last love of an old man. I have had a grandmother who cooked me semolina pudding. I have been given birth by my mother in pain. She has taken the pain to give birth to me. Thank you! I am glad to be alive. I have walked more than 3.000 km just by my feet. I have so many pictures in my mind. I'm at home at so much places. I have a father with a beer belly who loves to tell the same joke again and again - he just loves to laugh, but deep inside he's still slim and shy like he was in his early twenties. I had a grandfather who was a journalist, an adventurer. He dreamed to be like Ernest Hemingway. Too bad I can't talk with him about his dreams now.
I don't have a boyfriend, and my friends are spread over the whole world. Most of my time I spend alone. But today I don't feel lonesome. Today I feel it - I am connected with the whole universe.
I don't hate my life. I love my life.
I just hate to feel depressed.
I don't hate my job. I really like my job.
I just hate to feel depressed.
I don't hate my friends, parents, ex-boyfriends, canadians. I'm grateful for everyone of them.
I just hate to feel depressed.
There is absolutely nothing wrong with my life or myself!!!!!
I am looking forward to tomorrow. There are so many books waiting to be read, so many movies to be watched, so many songs I don't know yet, so many people to meet, so many things to learn, so many precious of my life.
Please, god, let me keep this feeling.
Love and take care all. Never lose the spark of hope.
Luise