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A page in the diary "She who must be obeyed thinks she is always right!!!"
Written by studying1 28. May 2008 03:32 PM

There is mention of suicide in here - not about how to do it but about a memorial day tomorrow so it should not upset tender tummies!!!!

Migraine, meds and sleep. Hubby was going to spend some time with his boss sorting out his paperwork but his boss flicked him off so he did some more grocery shopping. Bad boss but I guess these things happen. Don't know if hubby is happy with this or not. He is going out at 3.30 pm to start work on there memorial day tomorrow - go and pick up the white wreaths - 700 in total. Had over 2000 but the storage company was made of asbestos and it went up in fire in the beginning of the year - February and they lost all the wreathes they had for White Wreath Day which is tomorrow. For Brisbane people it is in Post Office Square from lunch time - you can go to say a prayer for someone who has died from suicide or think about the 700 people who have lost their lives to suicide.

I note the comments made in yesterday's diary - I am phobic and don't go out without hubby and it is usually in the afternoons that we do out together but he does go and get things when I am dying with a migraine. Like today, he was out all morning so I was able to sleep. Hubby and I do go and have a meal out when we have a late couples counselling or psychiatrist appointment. I do go shopping with him when I don't feel overwhelmed or if we have to go to couselling or he has to take me to the psychiatrist.

Doona days are my way of coping with my mental illness and self harming. I don't sleep well at night and that doesn't help my migraines - makes them worse and I need to have a doona day because I am tired/exhausted.

Self harming, I had not thought about it in that way. I am hurting so much because the psychiatrist now wants to change my meds and I don't want that to happen as I feel I am coping with life okay but he says he has another a/d for me but he didn't say anything about the a/d and harming.

I have been watching the tv downstairs today and I did the washing - yipee!!! We now have clean clothes. Hubby is washing up and broke a glass - not sure why he is washing up but he is doing it which is good.

I know you all put your entries into my diary yesterday to support me and not to be nasty and I recognise this niceness of you deppies. Hubby and I do get out and about together and visit our special friends when we get a chance. Think I have to check my bigpond email as I haven't heard from my bridesmaid this week/late last week.

Ready for a nanna nap because I am falling asleep at the computer.

Take Care All!!!

Mrs Studying1

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Comments from the community:

studying1,

You may be hurting that your psych wants to change your meds, but if you trust your psych then you will do as they suggest. Migraines, meds, sleep and doona days every day whilst not sleeping at night is not what you would call coping with life okay.

This is obviously why your psych wants to change your meds.

We are not trying to be mean, just getting you to think about your life and how it is now, and what you want it to be. Having great support from hubby is good, but being completely reliant on him to be there by your side when ever you go out is dangerous. That sort of reliance on one person is never good.

Are there no other people in your life you can rely on?

Written by Deleted_User, 28. May 2008 03:52 PM

Sadfriend

Thanks for your comments. It is very hard to get out and about when you are phobic about being out with people and get panic attacks. I do have my two girls from the wedding that I see/talk to and the m of h said I am using avoidance when I cancelled a day with her and the bridesmaid. Think she is right. I am avoiding things. When I am out with hubby I am able to get around the shops with him and without him because I know if I have problems I know where the car is and I can run and hide there

Doesn't help that this week I have no appointments/don't have to be anywhere for any reason - boredom sets in. It also doesn't help it is coolish up here and the bed is the nicest place to be and keep warm and watch the tv.

As I said in my diary entry, I thank you for caring about me. I know none of you are being nasty to me but are concerned about my wellness. I appreciate you deppies who are caring enough to be concerned about me.

Take Care All!!!

Mrs Studying1

Written by studying1, 28. May 2008 06:02 PM

Lecture time here, & its NOT open 2 debate, just take it or leave it.
Yr becoming 2 complacent bout yr selfharming. U rote not long ago bout doin while sitting on th couch watching TV & poor hubby had 2 put up with it..
I woulda given u th bitch slapping

Written by Gyps, 28. May 2008 06:55 PM

u deserved 4 that effort, ESPECIALLY given u didnt even hav th balls 2 stay wen hubby had his blood test!
NO MORE DETAILS BOUT SELFHARM- we've had this debate a million times & Im NOT goin there again, th way u write bout it sumtimes, it glorifies it!

Written by Gyps, 28. May 2008 06:58 PM

Again-we've also had THIS discussion a million times & its ALSO not open 4 debate...
Wen yr head is clear from meds read back thru all yr posts since u got married... Yr life sux & if yr SERIOUSLY happy with th stage Uve reached in yr recovery then I pity

Written by Gyps, 28. May 2008 07:09 PM

yr hubby. Wot u gonna do if he has an accident & is in hosp 4 a coupla wks?
U place him under an incredible amount of pressure, pressure that'll end up taking its toll...
If u dont care about yrself then think bout yr hubby & do wot needs 2 b done...
xxx

Written by Gyps, 28. May 2008 07:13 PM

Ahh.. not sure what to write after that, but a lot of what Gyps said I agree with I'm afraid.

I think you should embrace the idea of changing a/d's in the hope that it will help out with your anxiety about going out into the big wide world.

Your wedding... how did you cope with being the centre of attention for the whole day? You must have had some phenomenal inner strength inside you to get you through that day. Why not try and draw on how you got through that day and introduce it slowly into your daily routine. It's no wonder you don't sleep well at night when you sleep so much during the day. Time to get a bit more active girl!

And no more self harm OK!

Take care,

Karen xxx

Written by fly, 28. May 2008 08:00 PM

studying1,

Not good using avoidance against those who obviously truely care about you enough to help you through a tough day on your wedding day. Must not be nice for them to have you do that to them.

You need to be out of bed for your husband and get all those little jobs done. Why not attend the memorial day with him and give him some support in his work? Be nice to get out of the unit together. I do not know how you can get bored when you said that your unit looks like a bomb has gone off in it and you need to sort things out, especially with all the work needed to be done before moving to Tassie. Rug up and get active.

I finished a job last night that had been peeving me off for the last 6 months as I just put it as a low priority, but now it is done it feels so good to have it out of the way. Get onto to some tidying and sorting out, as it will have to be done sooner or later anyway, and best to be done in small sections than be rushed and have a huge job ahead of you before your move.

Also, if you are bored, catch up with some friends, or phone them, go to the movies. Only you can get out of this rutt and stop the boredom.

Written by Deleted_User, 29. May 2008 08:11 AM

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