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My day and the shock of my emails!!! Mention of self harming!!!

A page in the diary "She who must be obeyed thinks she is always right!!!"
Written by studying1 9. May 2008 03:21 PM

Migraines, meds and sleep. Hubby wasn't screaming at people on the phone today and I was able to sleep. Was great to get the sleep I needed.

Read my emails and got one that upset me - perhaps they are right that I don't understand them but this person is an amazing person and I am trying very hard to understand them and what they are going through with their illness. I hope that someday a change may happen because they are my hero and very special to me because they can cope with their illness/life better than I am doing.

Hubby is going to work early to go and get some xrays compared with recent ones taken. Will now mean I am going to be paranoid about someone breaking into the house - feel sure I have heard people trying to get in my security door before.

Might make the vege soup on the weekend now I have got everything and the saga of getting the stuff is over. Don't know what is happening on Sunday because hubby will have to sleep until at least lunch time and then we may go and see our respective mothers. Got to find the box of goodies which are great presents for mothers/friends and get one for each mum.

At the advice of the psychologist I have sent my solicitor some instructions about settling this matter before going to court if possible. I haven't got a reply from her yet which I guess means no counter offer. Psychologist wanted to see the wedding rings and engagement rings so I showed her the both of them and told her the story of the rings - wedding ring is hubby's grandmother's and engagement ring is one of Queen Bee's and hubby changed the stone to a pink sapphire.

Haven't heard from my bridesmaid this week and I rang her on Wednesday night to make sure everything is okay between us and she said it was. It was just their ISP isn't working with hotmail. Relieved we are okay. Missed our daily catch up - she realised she should have sent the emails from work but the phone call was more important because I know it is the truth.

I am getting ready to see the gp on Tuesday for a medical health assessment to see the dietician to loose some of this weight. I will be able to mention to the psychiatrist when I see him I have done this/working to loose some of this weight.

Still haven't heard from Queen Bee - psychologist was stunned by that. I haven't told hubby about this but I mentioned it to my psychologist that now we are married we are financially independent and perhaps we should have gotten married earlier given this is the Queen's reaction.

Still self harming - was bad last night and today I have managed to control it so far. I love the suggestion of the red pen but I don't think it will help me stop/change it because I harm in places where I don't let the public see it. Psychologist had a peak yesterday and said I need to do some work on controlling it.

Cate, I have put in my letter to Dr S about the Mental Health Nurse and the personal helpers and mentor you get through Dr T and see if I am eligible for help under the federal government system. Be interesting to see what Dr S says as I really don't think outreach benefit me enough - talk to me but don't bet me out of the house to beat my phobia about being outside by myself, get me cleaning up my house.

Take Care All!!!

Mrs Studying1

PS We are off the market now. Agent is pushing me to reduce the price further and we need all the possible money we can get for the qld place to get to Tassie and hopefully be dedt free. Alas another shittey thing for the week.

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Comments from the community:

Hi Mrs Studying1,

Glad you liked the idea of the red texta (it's gotta be a texta not a pen though). I'm sorry to hear that you self harmed again, but understand about why you do it. I have so many scars on me I have to be covered up all the time. I haven't self harmed now since I was in hospital 6 weeks ago and I don't plan on doing it ever again. It's a very addictive thing I found, the more you do it the more you want to do it. It's the release of all the pent up emotions that can't be expressed (well it is for me).

But as I said I think it is a very addictive habit, so lets make a deal... I will continue to not drink if you stop self harming.... how's that?

I'm not trying to guilt you into stopping, because to be honest I won't be drinking anyway, but how about just giving it a go. Just like they say in A.A.... just worry about 1 minute of 1 hour of 24 hours at a time. If I just don't cut today and don't worry about tomorrow until it gets here, then repeat "I won't cut today". It's all about just getting through 24 hours. Can you do that? Please?

Good luck Mrs Studying 1

Written by fly, 9. May 2008 04:18 PM

thankyou for your kind words and diplomacy


Liz

Written by keller, 9. May 2008 06:17 PM

Mrs Studying1

The PHAMS Personal Helper program may be difficult ... for a referral from your Psych ... they have a service in Logan at Youth and Family Services... there might be one funded in Brisbane
http://www.facsia.gov.au/internet/facsinternet.nsf/mentalhealth/pham_r2_qld07.htm#1 - there is a service called Open Minds Australia... I am not sure where you live and which service would help you... I know you can self refer for PHAMS if you have a diagnosed mental illness... I am good at self referring...

Mrs Studying1 ... it is impossible to completely understand another person's experience no matter how similar their experience is to yours... if someone says you don't understand... there is nothing wrong with your ability to understand... it is simply a case of two different people two different experiences.. you can empathise with them ... you can sympathise with them... but ultimately we are alone in our understanding...in our feelings... no one can understand me or you or Mr Magoo... you show lots of insight... because you have experienced many things some good some not so good... often others can relate to your experience as you can relate to their experience ... but not everyone... remember you can please some of the people some of the time... but you can't please all the people all of the time... take a step back... and read between the lines...

that is mostly what i wanted to say to you... i hope I haven't offended you... i appreciate the comments... on all of the deppies diaries... but some of them I think you have gotten it wrong... it happens... some I have gotten wrong... like a poem... our opinions are subjective... we each see what is important to us...

take care

rgds
cate

Written by cateblack, 9. May 2008 07:21 PM