I want to believe
A page in the diary "A Day in the Life Of..."
Written by babz 10. May 2008 10:02 PM
Today I was packing up more of my stuff ready for the move - only 13 days to go. In packing I found more memories, some good, some bad, some overpowering.
I found the bottle of beer that one of my friends brewed. He committed suicide when I was 17 and the beer was given to his friends at the funeral. I have kept it in my room ever since.
I found a whole lot of books that I'd forgotten about, but one particularly upset me. It is a book called 'People Who Have Changed the Modern World'. It is a beautiful book, but I have never read it. It was given to me, as an award. In year 12 I won the school community service prize. It was 'awarded' to me at presentation night, but I wasn't allowed to attend because I had been forced into hospital a month before, and the school thought I would scare people.
A few months before, my principle had called me into her office to talk to her. She proceeded to tell me about this award run by the Herald Sun newspaper called the Young Australian Pride award. Each school could nominate one person, and she told me that she had asked three senior staff in the school who she should nominate, and all three had said me. Unfortunately I wasn't eligible for the award as I had turned 18 a month earlier, but she wanted me to know how highly people thought of me.
I couldn't believe her. I couldn't believe that of such a massive school (over 2000) all three staff had said me. I still can't really believe it. I don't believe I am worthy of the aware either.
I keep the book that was a prize because my goal is to one day believe that I AM worthy.